Confessions of a Prodigal Daughter

Pro-RH Side Desperate, Misleads Youth via Teen Magazines

2011-07-05T04:27:00.013+08:00

I used to collect teen magazines when I was younger. Actually, when I started working I still bought one every so often—but no longer monthly like I used to when I was in college. I just realized that magazines of this type did me little good, especially when it came to priorities in life. Very little, if there was any, was written about the importance of one’s spirituality. The pages were mostly worldly, though that was already expected since we’re living in a “material world,” and “material girls” dig that stuff. It’s what sells. I still have my magazine collection at the bottom part of my book shelf, and when I browse them sometimes, I realize they’re all the same—three-fourths advertisements, one-fourth real content, how-to-get-the-guy articles, interviews of boys who easily got their 15 minutes of fame just by enrolling in a well-known school (the most boring part of the magazine for me), how-to-copy-this-celeb’s-look articles, and lots of pages about mixing and matching clothes and putting on makeup (my all-time favorite part). There are also sensible stories from which the reader would learn life lessons. But there are stories that simply don’t make sense at all, like the ones that mislead readers by making opinion sound like fact, just like the following articles published by Meg, Chalk, and Maven magazines.

Meg Magazine (by Mega Publishing Group) November 2010 Issue

Click HERE to read complete article.

Meg Magazine (by Mega Publishing Group) November 2010 issue, Chalk Magazine (by ABS-CBN Publishing) July 2011 issue, and Maven Magazine (also by ABS-CBN Publishing) July-August 2011 issue, all have something in common: an article about the RH Bill that urges you (the reader) to “know the facts about the Reproductive Health Bill” (Meg), “make an informed choice” (Chalk), and to “rethink your stand” (Maven), based on the information they presented—information that favored only one side.

Meg Magazines’s “Basic Right” article by Monica Guerra, labeled some statements about the RH Bill as fallacies, such as “the bill is anti-life,” “the bill legalizes abortion,” “the bill will prohibit pregnancy and will promote contraceptive mentality,” “sexuality education will give birth to a culture of promiscuity.” She claimed that these were not true and countered them with these answers: “It [the RH Bill] is actually pro-life,” “the bill still believes that abortion is a crime,” “contraceptives are used to prevent unwanted pregnancies,” and “education of sexuality will empower the youth to make wise decisions.”

Chalk Magazine (by ABS-CBN Publishing) July 2011 Issue

Darwin Chiong, who wrote the article, “Understanding the RH Bill” for Chalk Magazine, had the same claims as Guerra’s, only he added that the RH Bill prioritizes the poor by granting them “universal access” to reproductive health services, which include contraceptives.

Maven Magazine (also by ABS-CBN Publishing) July-August 2011 Issue

Lastly, Elizabeth Angsioco, a known proponent of the RH Bill, compiled statistics that were supposed to make readers “rethink [their] stand.” Obviously, she was addressing only us, pro-life (anti-RH) readers, in particular. I don’t think she would want the pro-RH to still rethink their views.

And I thought these journalists took an oath to tell only the truth and to present issues without bias. Looks like they failed at both. As if publishing unquestionably prejudiced articles in their magazines weren’t enough, one even got a die-hard pro-RH personality to fill an entire page. Survey results that show more and more Filipinos oppose the RH Bill must have gotten their knees shaking. One publishing company (ABS-CBN Publishing), two different magazines (Chalk and Maven) of the same month issue (July 2011), and one extreme RH supporter as author… hmm, sounds desperate to me.

Filipinos are wiser now; thank God we no longer believe everything we see on TV or hear on the radio or read from glossy magazines! Also, thank God there are individuals and groups who know the truth and do not keep it to themselves. The RH Bill is TRULY anti-life, as hormonal contraceptives may prevent the implantation of the fertilized ovum (a new life!) into the mother’s uterus, hence depriving the embryo of the right environment to survive—clearly, an early abortion. (Read: Embryology Books Ask: Philippine Medical Association) And they say the RH Bill recognizes that abortion is illegal? Also, studies have already proven that wherever condom use is prevalent, there the higher rates of HIV/AIDS are. (Ask: Edward Green, Harvard AIDS expert; Read: Thailand) Promotion of contraception does not prevent unwanted pregnancies and abortions. 54% of those who aborted their babies were using contraceptives. (Ask: Guttmacher Institute and George Akerlof) Contraceptives fail and abortion is used as the back-up method. (Read: China) The RH Bill does not empower women; they kill our women with breast cancer, cervical cancer, venous thrombosis, and generalized infection. Zero maternal mortality is possible without contraceptives in the recipe. (Read: Gattaran, Cagayan; Ara-asan, Surigao del Sur; Isalan, Sultan Kudarat) “11 women die of childbirth everyday,” they say, while 75 Filipinos die of tuberculosis everyday, 216 Filipinos die of heart disease everyday, 2.9 million Filipinos are unemployed by April 2011, 3 million Filipino FAMILIES experienced hunger in the last three months (mostly from scarcely populated Visayas and Mindanao regions)— even a first-grader can tell which is urgent. Angsioco said 23% of the youth has engaged in premarital sex—hence the need for an RH Bill? Go to the United States where they have an RH Law and see that premarital sex is already a culture there. And yes, they have mandatory sex education, too. Epic fail.

I just gave you tidbits of the real deal about the RH Bill. You’ll find other articles on the web that elaborate on these facts. If only we had the money, we could have also published these write-ups in popular magazines. Unfortunately, we don’t get funds from Obama and the European Union. So until our pro-life advocacy gets international funding, it looks like we’ll just have to continue to Facebook, Twitter, and Hail Mary our way to spreading the truth. ;-)

How to Do Your Own Spa Facial Treatment at Home

2011-06-22T00:54:00.002+08:00

Start by removing the dirt on the most superficial layer of skin, using a creamy cleansing lotion if your skin type is normal to dry or a cleansing gel if your skin type is oily. (Note: You can tell if you have dry skin when your skin feels tight after cleansing or if it looks dull and ashy. If only your cheeks tend to appear dry and your T-zone has little shine, then you have combination skin. But if your entire face looks ready for frying eggs and there are very noticeable pores, blackheads, and pimples, then you have oily skin.) Gently massage the cleanser onto your face in small circles, and then rinse with warm (not scalding hot!) water. This will open the pores on your skin in preparation for the next steps of the treatment...

Read my entire article here.

"Filipinos For Life" (F4L) Tells the Truth About the RH Bill to Students of Sta. Isabel College

2011-06-22T00:19:00.005+08:00

Prof. Aliza Racelis, Anna Cosio, Atty. Jo Imbong, and Atty. Marwil Llasos, show their certificates with Sr. Josie B. Onag, D.C. and Sr. Josefia R. Quiachon, D.C

Sr. Josie B. Onag, D.C. with guests from Filipinos for Life (F4L): Ms. Anna Cosio, R.N., Prof. Marwil N. Llasos, O.P., J.D., Prof. ALiza Racelis, Ph.D., and Mr. Raymond Bandril

It was nice giving a talk to the intelligent students of Sta. Isabel College. Their challenging questions only showed that the youth of today (or at least many of them) cannot be easily swayed. They are bound to make informed decisions, and you can't expect them to just agree and agree. Thank God Filipinos are smart, lest the RH Bill would have passed just like that. Well, Filipinos are not gonna make it easy for you, Henry Kissinger and company :-P

Proof of the Holy Spirit's work for the day: [During the question and answer portion] A student walked over to the microphone and said, "I came here a Pro-RH, but after your presentation, I am now convinced why I should be against the RH Bill."

More news and pictures on Atty. Marwil Llasos' blog and CBCP for Life News.

Demographic Winter in the Convent

2011-06-11T23:45:00.014+08:00

I, together with some other members of Filipinos for Life, gave a talk today to the Daughters of St. Paul. This was the first time we presented to a big group of nuns (our typical audience were the youth, students, teachers, and other ordinary citizens like us). Before going there, I was really anxious-- I mean, anxious-excited, not anxious-worried. There's just something about nuns, their presence, and their voices when they sing, that brings me peace.

As we started the forum, I was glad to see how eager they were to know more about the RH Bill; maybe they wanted to be more specific with their prayers. (Hooray! We've got more prayer warriors!) Their prayers might even have an economic, legal, medical, and moral aspects, too-- just like the format of our presentation. Ha, ha! But I am not going to write about the RH Bill per se. I've written against it and have argued with those who believe in it, yet I can only do so much. To those whose minds are closed, no explanation will satisfy. So, let's just go back to what happened today :)

When Robyn and I got to the convent, we decided not to hold hands-- for some reason I really don't know. Maybe I still have this trauma from previous encounters with some very strict nuns. One of them scolded me for eating a sandwich while walking. She said I MUST eat at the canteen. I replied, "But Sister, I'm already hungry." She still scolded me and insisted that I continue eating at the canteen. I was quite shocked because I didn't know of such a rule. Suddenly, I felt full and wasn't able to finish my sandwich anymore.

Don't worry, that sister and I are friends now :) She has loosened up. More young people love her now and corridors don't clear up anymore when she passes by. That was a good change. I bet more young women would be attracted to the religious life if they see more smiles than frowns (or poker faces), and more mercy than punishment. I've met some sisters who said they realized they had a "calling" when they found themselves dreaming of becoming "like that sister." Unfortunately, in this day and age, "calls" from Heaven are hardly listened to. Or maybe it's just difficult to hear because of all the noise and distractions around. Hence, fewer people enter the religious life.

It was confirmed over dinner by Sr. Maimai and Sr. Clemence; they said the sisters were growing older, yet there were only a few entering the religious life. They said they were bothered when they saw the inverted triangle of the population in Professor Aliza's presentation. They said they now have a new term for their situation in the convent: Demographic Winter. They jokingly said it, but I knew they meant it. Theirs isn't an isolated case; I've heard of the same concern from sisters of other congregations. Back in second year college, I would have been able to help them increase their population, by actually becoming part of their population. But now, well, err, uhmm...

"It's not yet too late!" said one of the sisters.

"How old are you?" she asked.

"22 po," I replied.

Suddenly there was a glow in her eyes, as well as in those of the other sisters. One of them started counting with her fingers, "23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28... May six years ka pa para pag-isipan!"

Then I told them about my original plan. I was so attracted to the religious life when I started college. I even wondered why most people opted to get married and have their own families, when I couldn't imagine anything better than becoming the bride of Christ. I looked forward to finishing college and becoming a nun a.s.a.p., but one of the sisters (I'm talking about the sisters from another congregation) advised me to take it slow and if possible, to experience having a boyfriend first-- which I did for a period of six months. After the breakup, I returned to the convent, excited to share the sisters the news. They got excited, too. But one of them (she was one of the closest to me) suggested that I experience having a job first-- which I also did. So after graduating and passing the board exam, I found a job... and another boyfriend.

"This boyfriend, sisters, is actually sitting with us now," I said, and then looked at Rob who was seated across from me.

There was silence, and then "oohs" and laughter, followed by, "Pero p'wede pa naman 'di ba?"

We all laughed. It wasn't awkward. Robyn had always been very supportive. He said he was ready to accept whatever the outcome would be-- which, so far, is in his favor. Ha, ha!

Sometimes I still wonder about what could have been if I just ignored the boys and focused on becoming a nun... or if I just entered the convent after that first courtship ended. I think I would have loved the religious life-- really. When I was asked to list down what for me were the advantages and disadvantages of different states of life (religious, single blessedness, married), I wrote there that it's easier to focus on the Lord in a convent. It's easier to remain in Him in there. And nothing beats the feeling of just being close to Him. Outside, there are so many things that could distract us from doing God's will-- so many worldly thoughts and suggestions from people who think only of the temporary life. It's easy to be complacent with one's prayer life, it's easier to sin without having second thoughts, it's easier to stray away from God. It's easier to be a prodigal daughter. But I know I'm not called to do the easy things.

I know temptation will always be around, even in the convent; but the ones I find most difficult to overcome are outside the convent. Is this the reason why I'm actually out here? Hmm... God, ha...

*Sigh* I just can't wait for the day when I'd look back at my struggles and realize that by God's grace I've gotten through them all. What sweet victory... But for now, I hope on...

Right now I may not be able to help prevent "demographic winter" from happening in convents by adding to their number, but I know and I am confident that God won't let that happen-- unless, of course, we humans interfere with His plan by passing a bill that would decrease the population in the country and would promote a selfish, contraceptive mentality (oops, I forgot I mentioned I won't be talking about the RH Bill this time :-P) Besides, it takes only a pinch of salt to perfect the flavor of the soup. Guess it's the same with the salt of the earth.

Here are some other pictures from today's talk:

Spare the Innocents! No to Mandatory Sex Education!

2011-05-21T00:44:00.002+08:00

According to an NSO and DOH survey on the prevalence of premarital sex among people age 15 to 24: only 2 out of 4,856 unmarried women have had sex in the last 12 months, while 54 out of 1,468 unmarried men have had sex in the last 12 months.

As young men and women, innocent and not-so-innocent alike, are exposed to mandatory sex education, getting some "training" like the one seen in the picture, will the numbers above decrease or increase? Here's a physician's take:

"Sex educators insist that, like adults, teens are capable of making responsible decisions, they just lack information about sexuality and access to contraceptives. So the way to fight sexually transmitted infections and teen pregnancies, these authorities argue, is to provide teens with information and contraceptives, and teach them skills like how to say “no” and how to put on a condom. But current neuropsychological research does not support this stance. We know now that teens’ poor decisions are likely due not to lack of information, but to lack of judgement. And there is only one thing that will bring that: time."

[Miriam Grossman, MD]

http://www.mercatornet.com/articles/view/youre_teaching_my_child_what/

http://www.census.gov.ph/hhld/Ch11_tab11.9.htm

The RH Bill is Pro-Choice and Pro-Chance!

2011-05-21T00:41:00.001+08:00

Pro-choice and pro-chance, indeed. :-P

Does contraception prevent abortion?

2011-05-21T00:26:00.003+08:00

"Most abortions are the result of unwanted pregnancies, most unwanted pregnancies are the result of sexual relationships outside of marriage, and most sexual relationships outside of marriage are facilitated by the availability of contraception. To turn this 'progression' around: contraception leads to more extra-marital sexual intercourse, more extra-marital sexual intercourse leads to more unwanted pregnancies; more unwanted pregnancies lead to more abortions." -Dr. Janet Smith

History of Abortion in America

1938 to 1960s - Margaret Sanger (1922), the first president and founder of Planned Parenthood founded the American Birth Control League

1942 - American Birth Control League was rejected by the people so it was renamed as Planned Parenthood Federation of America

1962 to 1974 - Alan Guttmacher became president of PPFA; FDA approved sale of birth control pill

1970 - Planned Parenthood has received federal funding; President Richard Nixon signed into law the Family Planning Services and Population Research Act, amending the Public Health Service Act.

January 22, 1973 - Abortion has become legal in every state in the United States

(See Roe v. Wade

The United States Supreme Court decided that a right to privacy under the due process clause in the Fourteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution extends to a woman's decision to have an abortion, but that right must be balanced against the state's two legitimate interests for regulating abortions: protecting prenatal life and protecting the mother's health.)

At Present: Planned Parenthood is the largest provider of abortions in the United States [Source: "Planned Parenthood, abortion and the budget fight". Yahoo! News. 2011-03-28.]

This Is Where I'm Getting Married Someday (Wishful Thinking)

2011-04-23T20:22:00.010+08:00

Disclaimer: Any views or opinions expressed are solely those of the highly caffeinated author and are merely that-- "views and opinions." No pressure intended on anyone (i.e. Robyn Tan).

Let me just make one thing clear: I'm not getting married anytime soon. I'm not engaged. But any girl who has discerned that she is not for the religious life nor for single blessedness, would like to get married someday and have her own family. And it just so happened she finally found her dream wedding church last Thursday at Fernbrook Gardens, Portofino South, Daang Reyna, Las Pinas City, during a Visita Iglesia.

This is the Notre Dame De Vie Chapel. I once dreamed of a fairytale wedding (at least just the wedding; a fairytale marriage is exactly that-- just a tale). When I was younger I wanted to wear Cinderella's wedding gown, my groom would be in Prince Charming's outfit (or maybe the Beast's outfit in Beauty and the Beast, but I did hope he wouldn't have the face of the Beast), the bridesmaids would be dressed as Sleeping Beauty and Snow White, and the flower girls would be The Little Mermaids. And oh, I almost forgot the little boys. I would choose seven of them to represent Dopey, Bashful, Sneezy, Sleepy, Doc, Happy, and Grumpy. As for the sponsors, they would have to dress up like fairies, like Cindrella's fairy godmother or the fairies in Sleeping Beauty.

That was before. Now when I think of pushing through with my original plans, I realize my wedding would actually look like a children's party. And I wouldn't have any guests, or worse-- sponsors. Ha, ha! I'm not even sure if I'd find a groom who's willing to wear a tunic, a pair of tights, and puffy, knee-length pantaloons.

Photos from their website:

Filipinos Opposing the RH Bill Obviously Growing in Number and Zeal

2011-03-18T00:11:00.008+08:00

Pro-Lifers in Blue (Mama Mary's color! :)

Look, men in blue! See? Even our policemen are Pro-life. Ha, ha! ;)

Last Tuesday, we went to Congress again to support our Pro-Life congressmen and to show everyone there that we are serious in opposing the RH Bill-- for reasons that are based on facts (medical, economic, social, etc) and not mere hypotheses or worse, myths.

Compared to last week, this time we really outnumbered the "hakots" of the Pro-RH. And that's all most of them were: "Hakots" ...who didn't even know why they were there. And this is based on what really happened there. You can check it out on the I Oppose RH Bill Facebook Page. They posted the scenes there, but ok, on second thought, I'm posting it here, too since you might find a hard time there scrolling down. Hehe.

[Tribunal] IOTRHB Funniest moments.

Scenes outside of Congress yesterday...

Scene 1
Pro-Lifer to someone wearing a purple scarf
Pro-lifer: Excuse me po, Pro-life po ba kayo o Pro-RH?
Woman wearing purple scarf: Ano yun?

Scene 2
Pro-lifer to Pro-RH: Ano pong ginagawa niyo dito?
Pro-RH: Hindi ko nga alam e.

Scene 3 (Someone from the Diocese of Paranaque distributed flyers on the Science Facts About the RH Bill)
Pro-RH leader to her group: Ui itago niyo yan, baka akalain nila sa loob atin yan.

Scene 4
Lagman sees a group of young people sways hand (thinking it was delgates for PRO-RH) crosses street to approach. Tribunal (all smiles) approaches Lagman shakes his hand, Lagman stares at I ? life pin button then Tribunal says "Hi sir we are for life and these are the delegates of the Diocese of Paranaque"... Ever so slowly, he began turning away, the smile faded, and he made a u-turn back to his car.

I realized that yea, it was a good idea to take the presence of the "hakots" as an opportunity to educate them on the truth about the RH Bill. It was really a pitiful sight: poor people supporting something they didn't know-- something that can even kill them and their children without them knowing.

Now why would you be somewhere or do something that you have no idea about if you have no "motivation?" What was their motivation? (Well, actually, I already know. Do you? Really? The exact amount? Haha. Alam na.)

Pro-RH peeps with their free purple scarves.

Pro-lifers definitely outnumbered the Pro-RH as all floors on the Anti-RH's side were already full, some of us had to be seated on the other side with the-RH. All right! Mingle-mingle! :)

Cong. Janette Garin, co-author of the bill, was boo-ed by Pro-lifers after her sponsorship speech. Although that was inappropriate inside the session hall and could be taken against us, it's difficult to help it when you hear someone pretending to be concerned about the common good, but is actually just blabbing a bunch of lies for their own selfish agenda.

Ate Lea, Myself, Robyn, Aika, Gio, and Tito Noel

My new pro-life friends (except for my boyfriend, of course :-P): Ate Lea, Wena, Robyn, Aika, Gio, and Tito Noel

Diocese of Paranaque Youth in Action :)

Fan Pic :) Hehe. Let us support House Bill No. 13 (Protection of the Unborn Child Act 2010) filed by Rep. Roilo Golez (Dist. 2, Parañaque City). If it truly is the common good that we want to serve, let's do it without killing the defenseless, lest that won't be "common" good anymore.

Praying for Japan and for the Whole World

2011-03-11T21:58:00.002+08:00

Photo from Yahoo News

An Account of Mama Mary's Apparition to Emma de Guzman on Mountain of Salvation, Tagaytay, Near Batulao

(Dec. 28, 2008) "Mahal na mahal Niya tayo. God gave our country the best gift—the gift of faith. 'Hindi ko kayo pababayaan dahil mahal na mahal ko kayo.' I saw her over the Philippine islands and covering it with her mantle that’s why we didn’t have tsunami. Ang Pilipinas ay lupang napakayaman."

Let us continue praying for the country of Japan and for the other countries on high alert right now.

Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and on the whole world. (3x)

Jesus, King of Mercy, we trust in You.

Unknowingly Micro-Aborting: Women Taking "The Pill"

2011-03-10T22:08:00.013+08:00

I had been looking at my book shelf for the past few weeks, contemplating on which book to read. "Pharmacological Aspects of Nursing Care 7th Edition" seemed to be calling out to me "Pick me! Pick me!" and I thought maybe I should "specialize" on Pharmacology since I've always enjoyed learning about drugs, their mechanisms of action, side effects and adverse effects, et cetera. However, that wasn't the reason why I took the book from the stack. What I really wanted to do was study how oral contraceptives work. They say not all information on the net are reliable and I've been reading about contraceptives just online. But now I've got my textbook to support a fact that Edcel Lagman and his cohorts deny: ALL ORAL CONTRACEPTIVES CAN ACT AS ABORTIFACIENTS. And the RH Bill aims to classify these drugs as "essential medicines." Pregnancy is a disease now, huh? And a zygote some sort of malignant mass, eh?

According to Broyles, et. al., there are three types of combination contraceptives (combination of estrogen and progestin*):

1. Monophasic

-provides a fixed dosage of estrogen & progestin throughout the cycle

2. Biphasic

- estrogen content is constant; progestin content varies

3. Triphasic

-progestin is low at first half of the cycle and high at the second half, to mimic normal hormonal fluctuations in females of childbearing age

*Progestins are synthetic compounds having progestational activity (like, artificial progesterones)

Now what is the mechanism of action of ESTROGEN?

>> It suppresses the release of FSH (follicle-stimulating hormone) from the anterior pituitary gland, hence PREVENTING OVULATION; a viable ovum is not released by the ovary, hence fertilization is impossible.

What is the mechanism of action of PROGESTIN?

>> It suppresses the release of of LH (luteinizing hormone) from the pituitary

>> It reduces fertility by altering the viscosity of cervical mucus, by reducing the motility of the fallopian tubes, and by altering the nature of the endometrial lining of the uterus. These actions tend to impair the normal transport of sperm and ova and MAY PREVENT A FERTILIZED OVUM FROM PROPERLY IMPLANTING ON THE ENDOMETRIAL SURFACE.

Many contraceptive pills are taken daily for 20-21 days (1 tablet per day), sometimes with additional 7 or 8 tablets containing no hormonal agent just to minimize dosage error.

Is there any way for a woman to know whether or not CONCEPTION has already taken place after intercourse?

NONE. Hence, she is also unaware when she has already deprived a fertilized egg of the right environment to implant and grow. In other words, a woman will not be aware that she has already committed micro-abortion-- because of the mechanism of action of progestin. As you can see above, all those combination contraceptives contain progestin. So it is safe to say that anyone who has been taking any of those for a time now may have already committed micro-abortion.

Are there other types of oral contraceptives aside from combination contraceptives?

YES. They are more popularly known as "minipills." They contain NO ESTROGEN, so they don't suppress ovulation; but they do contain PROGESTIN. When ovulation is not suppressed, a viable egg can be easily fertilized by a sperm during intercourse (again, that's what you call CONCEPTION, the beginning of life). However, that fertilized egg will not be able to implant on an altered endometrial wall. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? The woman has more chances of unknowingly committing abortion, since she continues to ovulate, releasing a viable ovum, ready for fertilization but not for implantation.

Another more obvious example of an abortifacient contraceptive is the "morning after pill", such as norgestrel and ethynil estradiol. The book reads, "Emergency posintercourse contraception is indicated when a woman is worried about pregnancy because of unprotected sex or possible contraceptive failure (broken condom, displaced diaphragm). [p. 853]" Clearly, the purpose of this contraceptive pill is to TERMINATE PREGNANCY.

It is written in the RH Bill that "While this Act recognizes that abortion is illegal and punishable by law, the government shall ensure that all women needing care for post-abortion complications shall be treated and counseled in a humane, non-judgmental and compassionate manner; (Sec.3)"

The RH Bill recognizes that abortion is illegal? With its promotion of oral contraceptives, IUDs and injectable contraceptives, which are all potential abortifacients, I don't think so. (By the way, I haven't read of any estrogen-only contraceptive pills-- even online. Every pill has a dose of progestin in it. And we already talked about the abortifacient effect of progestins)

Oral contraceptive pills do not prevent 100% of pregnancies. What if you continue taking the pill, not knowing that you are already pregnant? On page 851 of the book, it says, "Progestins also should not be used during the FIRST 4 MONTHS of pregnancy, because there is evidence of POTENTIAL HARM TO THE FETUS with such use." The reason why women contracept is because they don't want to have a baby (or at least, not yet), and then here comes the possibility of her becoming pregnant with a deformed fetus? How will abortion NOT come to mind?

Reference:

Broyles, B., Reiss, B., and Evans, M. (2007). Pharmacological Aspects of Nursing Care (7th Ed.). Thomson Learning Asia: Singapore.

Pro-Lifers' Moral Support and Prayers at Batasan-- Effective!

2011-03-09T01:16:00.011+08:00

I do hope so...

"Bantayan ang RH Bill," says BUHAY Partylist Rep. Jose "Agoy" Descallar.

Be informed. Don't fall for Hon. Lagman's and the other RH Bill's authors' lies. And once you've found the truth. Don't hide it "under a bushel." Put it on a "lampstand!"

I didn't know St. Paul sisters were quite active Pro-Lifers :) Good thing they were patient enough to deal with HR security, which at first, wouldn't let us in. But then, thank God for the opportunity to offer a little sacrifice as we waited under the heat of the sun.

We were early! (Obviously :-P) Or maybe, excited?

Commuting via PUV to Batasang Pambansa from Makati wasn't that easy. But surely, I wasn't alone. God sent me His angels and so I didn't lose my way going there. In fact, it was almost a breeze, except for the long walks. As usual, I was able to get to my destination with some help from Google Maps, bystanders and sidewalk vendors. Haha!

When I was already nearing Congress, I passed by two separate groups of Pro-RH people having their parade on the main road, and accompanied by some media people. I was praying the Rosary that time and yet I almost lost heart... especially when I saw the next group, which was actually making noise. After a few moments, I pass by a stage set-up in the middle of the road, with a backdrop that read: "Arangkada! RH Bill," as if preparing for their victory at the end of the supposedly voting session for or against the RH Bill. I just heaved a sigh, saddened by the thought that these poor people did not know what they were asking for. And then I continued praying...

When I got to the northgate of Batasan, there was a stagnant line and a St. Paul sister. I knew Vebs (a friend of friend whom I haven't even met personally before!) was coming with them and the other La Salle Dasma representatives, and so, I introduced myself and asked if I could join their group since Pro-Lifers seemed to be having a hard time getting in. They were a group of 40 + (me) = 41 :) I was hoping to see my Facebook Pro-Life Friends, but with the number of people there, it was next to impossible to bump into them at the gate, considering I didn't have their contact numbers :-|

But on to the good part of the story: there were many Pro-Lifers present there today-- based on what I've seen, we were almost of the same number as of the other group. Why am I talking about numbers here? Well, because they matter! One of our Pro-Life congressmen said that the presence of Pro-Lifers in Congress during session could change the minds of those who are planning to vote for the passage of the RH Bill into law, and persuade the undecided ones to vote against it.

SO, what happened TODAY-- when our congressmen were scheduled to vote for or against the RH Bill, with its proponents bent on passing the bill today, which happens to be International Women's Day?

Yet another Divine Intervention at Congress! First, the faulty AC units. Second, the dresscode issue (which actually caused the delay of the session today). Third, literally no objections when it was suggested that the RH Bill discussion be suspended. Thank you, God! Thank you, Mama Mary! And to all the angels, saints, and fellow human beings who interceded, thank you! :)

That's actually my status on Facebook right now. This is the day that the Lord has made and we rejoice :) --despite the fact that it was such an agony to listen to Hon. Edcel Lagman's contradicting statements: says that the RH Bill is not for population control, but also says that statistics show that countries with higher population have poorer human development (note that both were lies), and that IUDs, pills, and injectables are NOT abortifacients (another blunt lie Pro-Lifers couldn't bear to just ignore, so that one got a boo, and we almost got reprimanded. Haha!) His repeated lies are becoming his truths in his own world. (Translation: May sariling mundo.)

Yes, this is the day that the Lord has made and we rejoice :) --despite the fact that GMA News' Mariz Umali delivered a biased report about what happened in session today:

“RH bill, pinagdebatehan sa plenaryo,” the headline went.

But note Ms Umali’s interviewees: Rep. Janet Garin (1:23), Rep. Edcel Lagman (1:57), and Rep. Kaka Bag-ao (2:27) — all of them pro-RH, each with at least 11 seconds of airtime explaining his/her views. What first appeared as a news story on a debate seemed to turn into an ad.

At the start of the report also note Ms Umali’s opinion that several congresspeople tried to thwart the railroading of the RH bill ["...ilang kongresista muna ang nagtangkang pigilan ang proseso." (0:28-0:31)].

People for Media

I was there when she was shooting this one liner. It took them not less than 10 takes, and yet that didn’t seem enough to make her realize that she was already expressing opinion, not news. But that's no wonder, since she and the camera men were too busy perfecting their angles and stopping people from passing by the background where they were shooting.

Oh well, money and media are two difficult things to battle with. So I'll just say again this reassuring thought before I go to sleep, "One plus God equals An Army!"

Finally, The Truth About the RH Bill

2011-03-07T16:51:00.003+08:00

To those who still think that the RH Bill should still be passed after a major revision, read this and realize why we shouldn't settle for lesser evil or for any amount of evil AT ALL. (Posting this again for those who still haven't read)

No Frills. No Drama. No Overstatements.

Finally, The Truth About the RH Bill

An Academic Forum

03 March 2011, 1:00 PM

C.M. Recto Hall, Faculty Center, UP Diliman

With speakers from the fields of:

World Population Control All for the Benefit of America

2011-03-07T15:18:00.006+08:00

Ever wondered why First World Countries and American Billionaires are funding “Reproductive Health,” which generally includes promotion of contraceptives, abortion, and sex education? Here’s why:

National Security Study Memorandum 200: Implications of Worldwide Population Growth for U.S. Security and Overseas Interests (NSSM200) - December 10, 1974 by the United States National Security Council under the direction of Henry Kissinger.

The policy gives "paramount importance" to population control measures and the promotion of contraception among 13 populous countries, to control rapid population growth which the US deems inimical to the socio-political and economic growth of these countries and to the national interests of the United States, since the "U.S. economy will require large and increasing amounts of minerals from abroad", and these countries can produce destabilizing opposition forces against the United States. It recommends the US leadership to "influence national leaders" and that "improved world-wide support for population-related efforts should be sought through increased emphasis on mass media and other population education and motivation programs by the U.N., USIA, and USAID."

Thirteen countries are named in the report as particularly problematic with respect to U.S. security interests:

India, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Indonesia, Thailand, the Philippines, Turkey, Nigeria, Egypt, Ethiopia, Mexico, Colombia, and Brazil.

These countries are projected to create 47 percent of all world population growth.

The US Government, the European Union, and other big international organizations GENEROUSLY fund "Reproductive Health." Ever wondered WHY???

US Congress gave $648 MILLION for foreign assistance, Family Planning, and Reproductive Health, Global Health Initiative: $63 Billion in 6 years
(Susan Yoshihara, Ph.D. "Secretary Clinton Announces 5-Year Funding Push Including Abortion" Friday Fax Vol 13, No.5, January 2010, http://www.c-fam.org/publications/id.1553/pub_detail.asp

Bill Gates donated $57 Million to UNFPA in 2000 (saying his dad was former head of Planned Parenthood), he also has $26 Million share in Homosexual Activist Publishing Co.

Multi-Billionaire Warren Buffet 2010 Donation for Population Control: $1.6 BILLION, in 2006 he have $37 BILLION.

Ted Turner has given over $1 BILLION, on the record calling for a world-wide one-child policy similar to the one in China that practices forced abortion and coercive sterilization

'Women Deliver' Conference Urges Women to Push Pro-Abort Agenda Internationally, Melinda Gates says lack of numerous contraceptives worldwide is "reckless" Melinda Gates pledged $1.5 BILLION from the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation (Women Deliver Conference, June 2010)

George Sorros, billionaire and philantropist, in September 2010, announced his donation of $100 million to Human Rights Watch, one of the foremost groups pushing homosexuality and abortion.

AUSAID, 2007-2008, gave a TOTAL of $37.9 MILLION to the Philippines

>> $735,117 given to UNFPA-Philippines for "Population Initiatives" aimed at advocating and influencing policy as well as providing avenues in which reproductive health can be accessed," RESULTING TO THE GOVERNMENT'S AGREEING TO PILOT TEST AN ADOLESCENT REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH CURRICULUM in 60 ELEMENTARY AND HIGH SCHOOLS OF 10 PILOT PROVINCES IN SEPTEMBER 2008"

>> Gave $15,225 for HIV/AIDS Education and Support

>> $40,845 for "Enhancing Reproductive Health through Youth Participation..."

>> $66,350 to Roxas City for "Enhancing Reproductive Health through Youth Participation"

Global Fund Philippines Total Approved Funding (Phase 1 and Phase 2) = $220,285,858 (http://www.theglobalfund.org/

"EU HOPES CONGRESS WILL APPROVE RH BILL" (Philippine Star, Dec 28 2010) "The EU has extended 45-million-EURO (approx 2.9 BILLION PESOS) grant to DOH... has approved another 36-MILLION-EURO GRANT, while an additional 7 MILLION EUROS is in the pipeline.

Total: 88 MILLION EUROS

Allocation Incentives: "A province will get a LARGE FUND ALLOCATION IF IT IS ABLE TO PROMOTE THE USE OF CONTRACEPTIVES TO A LARGE NUMBER OF POPULATION."

International Planned Parenthood Federation (IPPF) funds Gabriela ($6,893 in 2009, $76,478 in 2008, and $129,980 in 2007).

UN Secretary General's Global Strategy for Women's and Children's Health (September 2010) gave $40 billion with the top goal for 2015 "prevent 33 million unwanted pregnancies."

Obama ("the most pro-abortion presidential candidate ever" to P-Noy in September 2010: $434 MILLION (19 Billion Pesos)

SOURCE: Dr. Ligaya A. Acosta (Executive Director, Human Life International-ASIA/OCEANIA)

Singapore, Hong Kong, India, and Japan are "Overpopulated" But Their Economies are Doing Great

2011-03-07T14:42:00.007+08:00

Pro-RH groups blame “OVERPOPULATION” for poverty in the country, saying that our population of 90 million is just too big for our small land area.

If so, how come these more “overpopulated” countries have a better standard of living?

*Gross domestic product (GDP) refers to the market value of all goods and services produced within a country in a given period. It is often considered an indicator of a country's standard of living.

*Population Density is population divided by total land area.

Please note that although the Philippines is the 12th most populated country in the world, population density is a more reliable measurement of how populated a country is, since it considers the total land area being occupied by a certain number of people.

Is overpopulation the cause of poverty? Are we even overpopulated in the first place?

For complete list of countries' Population Density and GDP, visit

Link 1

Link 2

Masturbation is Not as Harmless as DOH Teaches it To Be

2011-03-07T14:14:00.006+08:00

This is what the government will teach your future children as they START sex education.

So, don’t wonder if your future children won’t listen to YOU or won’t go to Church anymore.

“Healthy YO! (Healthy Young Ones) is an example of a “Reproductive Health” education material already being distributed by the DOH to the youth.

“…that SHOULD be fulfilled?” Young minds can easily misunderstand that.

The material failed to explain that sexual urges can be controlled and/or released through non-sexual ways, such as allotting one’s energies to studies, sports, the arts, and worthwhile advocacies.

Another Sex Ed material by the DOH, called "KIKAY KIT" (funded by USAID) contains the following information:

“ ang pag-’masturbate’ ay normal na gawain ano pa man ang edad, kasarian o sekswal na oryentasyon ng tao. Basta hindi ito umuubos ng oras, enerhiya at interes mo, hindi ito nakasasama. Ito rin ay isang paraan para mas higit nating makilala ang ating katawan at kung ano ang makapagbibigay-ligaya sa atin.”

Masturbation is not only against the Catholic / Christian Faith, even SCIENCE shows its undesirable consequences:

Notes from the slides of Dr. Ligaya Acosta, (Executive Director, Human Life International-ASIA/OCEANIA):

Consequences of Excessive Masturbation
Frequent masturbation and ejaculation stimulate acetylcholine/parasympathetic nervous functions excessively, resulting in the over production of sex hormones and neurotransmitters such as acetylcholine, dopamine and serotonin. Abundant and unusually amount of these hormones and neurotransmitters can cause the brain and adrenal glands to perform excessive dopamine-norepinephrine-epinephrine conversion and turn the brain and body functions to be extremely sympathetic.

In other words, there is a big change of body chemistry!

Consequences of Excessive Masturbation
Hair Loss – “Over masturbation or over ejaculation converts too much testosterone into dihydrotestosterone(DHT). Excessive DHT binds to the root of hair cells, blocking it from growing and cutting off supplies of nutrients and proteins so that hair will thin and eventually stop growing.”

High levels of DHT overload the body causing baldness and possible prostate enlargement.

Mitchell McNiff, M.D., “Why Excessive Masturbation Exhaust the Human Mind and Body?”

"Masturbation and consequent orgasm depletes the brain and spinal fluids of acetylcholine, dopamine and serotonin and the hormones such as hGH, DHEA, testosterone, thyroxine (T4) and Triiodothyronine (T3), neurotransmitters that are responsible for human functioning and very important when it comes to sex. This deficiency melts the brain’s acetylcholine/parasympathetic, dopamine and serotonin nervous functions and your endocrine functions. The damage results in the symptoms of bladder and prostate problems ; frequent urination , incontinency , semen leakage , enlarged prostate , etc……"

"Starting masturbation too young will cause a neuro-endocrine dysfunction. Your brain/pituitary-adrenal-testicular function cannot support a testosterone burst for holding up an erection due to a low level of bioelectric potential in your brain/parasympathetic nervous system."

RH Bill Not Pro-Abortion, Eh?

2011-03-07T14:06:00.002+08:00

RH Bill Proponents claim that the bill does not support abortion, BUT THE TRUTH IS…

Mode of Action of the PILL, NORPLANT and DEPO-PROVERA

1. Suppresses ovulation.

2. Thickens cervical mucus, making it impenetrable for the sperm cells.

3. ALTERS THE ENDOMETRIUM, therefore MAKING IMPLANTATION IMPOSSIBLE because THE ZYGOTE* IS DEPRIVED OF THE RIGHT ENVIRONMENT TO GROW.

Now if that is not ABORTION, what do you call it?

Philippine Constitution 1987 Section 12 states, "It shall equally protect the life of the mother and the life of the unborn from conception."

From CONCEPTION, it says; not IMPLANTATION.

*A zygote is a fertilized egg. In short, conception has already taken place. Life begins at conception.

Condom Failure

2011-03-07T13:45:00.001+08:00

As for condoms, are you aware of their 15-35 % failure? That means up to 35 out of 100 people can get pregnant even with the use of condoms. Condoms have a 20% failure in preventing HIV, because HIV (the virus itself) is 450X smaller than the sperm. Abstinence is still the best option.

Slide from the presentation of Dr. Ligaya Acosta (Executive Director, Human Life International-ASIA/OCEANIA

To those who are asking if the Church can feed your seven or eight or nine children...

2011-02-07T02:05:00.012+08:00

I'm just wondering why people are throwing questions like, "Why? Can you feed our nine children and send all of them to school?" at the Church just because we are opposing the RH Bill. Why? Do our taxes go to the Church? No. Many Churchgoers just give out of their excess and whenever the Church helps, it's really charity-- out of donations and volunteer work. Homes for the aged, orphanages, home for the disabled, etc-- these were built and maintained out of donations. As for the government "feeding" children and sending them to school, that is their duty-- their obligation. They are BEING PAID to do that in the first place. The Church's responsibility is greater though-- because it is moral in nature, and she is not soliciting mandatory payment for that. Right now, the Church is simply fulfilling this MORAL DUTY while the government is stubbornly pushing the wrong solution.

So this is the solution to poverty that the government is cooking? Since this government is FOR THE PEOPLE, BY THE PEOPLE, et cetera (see Philippine Constitution. Haha!), it is only right that we have our say on this. Our religious leaders are simply speaking on our behalf. It is RIGHT to say that the Church should mind her own business and that IS EXACTLY what she's doing now. This Bill concerns the morality of not just a few select people, but of a society. Let the Church do her part. Stop bullying her, especially you cafeteria Catholics. The Church will not conform her laws just to what is popular nor will she distort them just for your pleasure. The Divine Law... Traditional, maybe. Eternal, definitely!

7 Reasons Why I Oppose the RH Bill... (And Why You Should To)

2011-02-06T21:44:00.011+08:00

Rob and I went to Mass together at Greenbelt earlier this evening and I found myself literally taking down notes during the homily. Why? Because February is National Pro-Life Month (and this one was started in 1986 by Cory Aquino's administration) and today is Pro-Life Sunday, and the priest did not exactly give a homily, but instead, he read the Pastoral Letter of the CBCP (Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines) on why the Church strongly opposes the RH Bill or Responsible Parenthood Bill or whatever name they call it, it's still a bill of death.

Discussing why I am personally against the bill would entail hours of writing. But since blogs are meant to be short and easy to read, I will just share with you guys the main reasons why I think such a bill is not the solution to the country's problems. My reasons happen to be the same as those by the Catholic Church. If you're in a hurry, you can just read the parts in bold letters. I hope that through this, those who support the RH Bill would at least rethink, if not totally change their views about life and the acts that are against it.

1. I pay my taxes and I don't like the government using my money for something that is totally against my values and beliefs. Once the RH Bill is passed into law, the government will allocate a budget for "contraceptives and sterilization." And I am against those things. Those things are against my Faith. Where is freedom of religion there if they leave me with no choice but to pay for those things through my taxes? The Philippines is a predominantly Catholic country, would it be just to use the people's money to fund some programs that are simply anti-life, anti-Catholic?

2. The RH Bill has punitive measures against those who will not obey the Bill's provisions. For sure, we'll find many faithful priests, school owners, and medical practitioners behind bars if this bill is passed. Again, where is freedom of religion there? Where is respect for one's beliefs?

3. The Philippines is NOT overpopulated, but there IS "over-concentration" of people in the urban areas-- and this is a fact, according to the National Statistics Office (NSO) itself. So the Population Committee, whatever their hidden agenda is, should simply stop pushing this bill. You're solving the wrong problem, guys, and with the wrong solution at that. Just like in nursing: wrong assessment = wrong nursing diagnosis = wrong nursing care plan = wrong interventions = ineffective nursing care. :-P One of the causes of poverty is "a flawed philosophy of development" and RH Bill is a good example of that.

4. "Moral corruption is the root of all corruption." (CBCP) And P-Noy, during his campaign, said, "Kung walang corrupt, walang mahirap." True. I just hope he digs deeper into the cause of the problem and see that greed is rooted in a corrupted conscience. Because you cannot distribute the country's resources fairly, you're just gonna prevent birth of new citizens? How selfish. Greedy. Exactly the mentality of the corrupt.

5. "Contraceptives provide a false sense of security that takes away the inhibition to sexual activity." (CBCP) Where the use of contraceptives is prevalent, there the higher rates of unwanted pregnancy, abortion, and HIV/AIDS are. "Safe sex to diminish abortion rates is false propaganda." (CBCP)

6. I simply do not trust schools teaching sex education to my children (in the future). I've met enough untrustworthy teachers in my life-- teachers with distorted values (or no values at all). Who knows, my children (in the future) might encounter them someday as their sex education teachers. O God, spare their innocence. Parents are still the best teachers of this subject. Even Sharon Cuneta said this on one of those advocacy advertisements.

7. Not all women have right and formed consciences. The proponents of the RH Bill claim that such bill empowers women without dictate of any religion... BUT with dictate of the government, it's okay? Seriously, what does the Philippine government know about morality? Poor women of the Philippines... trying to be like the so-called liberated women of the West who had been used by men, whose dignity had been trampled upon, and they still think that's empowerment.

I have seen the RH Bill and I've read almost the entire thing to avoid biases. Yea, there are good programs, but I think those programs for health can be handled by the Department of Health. Those programs, like care of the pregnant mother and the newborn, education on family planning, and the like are already existent. They only have to be reinforced. Might I just suggest improving the sterile practices in lying-in clinics? They've been breaking the principles of asepsis there (based on what I've seen in my duties). Instead of buying contraceptives, they could buy autoclaves instead.

Read the RH Bill yourself and you'll understand why we "Pro-Lifers" are like this.

I was planning to wear short-shorts, but then...

2011-02-01T22:11:00.007+08:00

I had been planning to buy a pair of short-shorts (the one that's at least four or five inches above the knee or more like, 4 to 5 inches from the groin) until earlier today when I saw the way two guys looked lustfully at the legs of a lady who passed by in front of them in exactly the type of shorts I wanted to try on. God's way of saying, "BAD IDEA, Nina."

Short-shorts are in. But it seems God doesn't want me to follow the trend. Just a little sacrifice to prevent men from committing adultery.

"But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." (Matthew 5:28)

Finally! Something I Really, Really, Really Love to Do

2011-01-16T20:06:00.006+08:00

Our Books and Our Classroom

(I was early so I got to take a photo without my classmates yet)

I've never been so excited about going to school until TODAY. Three hours of interactive learning and yet I wanted more. And I'm getting that "more" now by doing advanced reading (and memorizing!) Learning another language is something I've always wanted to do yet never found time to. I even have books on Italian, Mandarin, Spanish, and recently, German, yet I just never had the motivation to study them everyday. But not this time, I think. I am forced (in a good way) to study my lessons in advance, because our teacher was speaking French almost the entire time. And when I say French, now I no longer mean it just metaphorically. I really did not understand most of what he said today. But I loved it! We were just introducing ourselves using a few tongue twisting words but I was excited the entire time-- except for the parts wherein I had to ask, "What did he say?" Oh, I mean, "Pardon? Comment? Repetez? Quoi?"

I remembered French has to be part of my lifestyle now. Our teacher suggested ridding our iPods of English songs and replacing them with French ones. But I don't have an iPod, so in my case, my Windows Media Player is getting revamped. Haha. As for TV, he suggested this French Channel TV5. Looks like I'll be watching TV soon or I could look for DVDs of French movies. I had a classmate today who was already like my grandfather and he was American. He was learning French because according to him he had been watching French movies and found them a lot better than American flicks. So I'll go find that out myself.

I've just compared learning a foreign language on my own and with a group. It's easier to remember the expressions when you use them in real life. It's less tedious and a lot more fun, especially when your classmates are from different fields, of different ages and nationalities. *Sigh* I'm just so loving it. J'aime le francaise :)

Falling Among the Thorns

2011-01-07T23:57:00.004+08:00

"It is the groom who has the bride. The groom's best man just waits there listening for him and is overjoyed to hear his voice. That is my joy, and it is complete. He must increase, while I must decrease." (St. John the Baptist, Jn 3:22-30)

Christ must increase, while I must decrease. That's enough for a lifetime objective. Yup, not just a 2011 goal. I bet if I would just be able to keep these words in my heart and mind and let it permeate my entire being, my joy would be complete, just like St. John the Baptist. But because I spend only a few minutes of the day pondering God's Word (In fact, sometimes I rush it, and just read without prayer), I easily forget God's message. Sometimes I even fail to get what it is. I'm like the seeds that fell among the thorns: "As for the part that fell into thorns, this is people who have heard, but as they go on their way they are choked by the worries and riches and pleasures of life and never produce any crops." (Luke 8:14)

I am just so easily distracted. If there is one thing I miss about being assigned in Pangasinan, it would be my time at the Church of St. John the Evangelist. I got to compare. Ever since I've been assigned in Makati, I had been lazy to attend Mass on weekdays. But in Dagupan, I made it almost everyday. It would always be the highlight of my day. I felt a lot closer to God then. Now my prayers are rushed. Rarely do I get the chance to actually just kneel, close my eyes, and listen to Him. Most of the time I do all the talking. And that is not prayer. Prayer is a form of communication; it's two-way, not one.

I see "alone-ness" has its advantages. Without my family and super close friends, I felt alone in Dagupan, but I wasn't lonely because God completed my day and He comforted me at night, especially when I was sick and nobody was around to cook me some mushroom soup and kiss my forehead before I slept. In my homesickness, I got closer to God.

But now that I'm home and closer to my loved ones, I feel like I've taken Him for granted-- like He was just my "fall-back" (or backfall, as Balbin would call it. haha). As I am typing this now, I can't help the tears. Now I'm thinking twice about publishing this online. Haha.

Oh well, maybe I should end this now. I should talk to Him while I'm not yet sleepy. The problem with me is that I spend all my energy on work, Facebook, and other stuff I enjoy doing. Nowadays what's happening is that I just leave Him my "extra." And He's just making me realize that now. "Nina, you're supposed to give me your best. Why are you giving me the leftover?"

You know what that means. Ciao!

God's Daily Word (GDW) Goes ONLINE! 1.1.11

2011-01-01T22:26:00.006+08:00

I've been sending God's Daily Word (GDW) to about 200 people via SMS everyday for more than a year now-- except on days when I get super busy that the only rest I get is when I go to the "Rest Room" and also on days when I'm in a state of mortal sin. So if you're a subscriber, then you can just guess which of the two reasons it must be if you fail to receive GDW for the day. Hehe.

Since it's New Year, despite my being under the weather because of a seemingly worsening back ache, I am psyched to spread God's Word :) I hope that this 2011 I will no longer miss even just a day. And for a change, I've also decided to make it available online, since I have many friends on Facebook.

The messages I send through SMS include just a part of the Reading or Gospel and also part of the Meditation (found in the Liturgical Meditation book I use, The Anawim Way). Although the book is available at St. Pauls and in many churches throughout the country, aside from recommending that my friends get their own copy, I still send them daily because I know how easy it is to get lazy to "pick up and read." Since the cellphone gets a lot of attention, then maybe if God's Word is sent there, it would get due attention, too. Hehe. And in this case, since Facebook is getting a lot of attention, maybe if I post God's Word there, it would get more attention, too-- hopefully.

I know it's kind of late today, but just in case you haven't yet pondered the Word of God, here it is. For the complete Bible text, you can click on the links to the New Jerusalem Bible. The Meditation part is also shortened due to copyright reasons. If you wanna read the whole thing, I highly recommend that you get your own copy of The Anawim Way. It's very cheap at P70 anyway. Hehe.

May God's Word transform us and our lives. May it change each of us into His likeness. God bless! :)

First Reading: Nm 6:22-27

Responsorial Psalm: Ps 67:2-3, 5, 6, 8

Second Reading: Gal 4:4-7

Alleluia. Heb 1:1-2

Gospel (For complete text: Lk 2:16-21)

16 So they hurried away and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in the manger.

17 When they saw the child they repeated what they had been told about him,

18 and everyone who heard it was astonished at what the shepherds said to them.

19 As for Mary, she treasured all these things and pondered them in her heart.

Meditation from The Anawim Way

Today the Church has three important reasons to celebrate. First, we continue to celebrate the birthday of Jesus. Secondly, the Church celebrates the Solemnity of Mary, Mother of God. Finally, the Pope has set aside this day to reflect on world peace. We are blest to celebrate these basic treasures in our Catholic Faith on this first day of the new calendar year. Jesus is the heart of our Faith and the heart of this feast day.

Mary's inner life gives us the best human model to imitate in our prayer life. Luke tells us, "Mary treasured all these things and reflected on them in her heart." She is always reflecting, pondering treasuring, all that she knows about Jesus. She teaches us to listen intently in our hearts, to understand the mystery of his love. Mary will lead us into the depth of prayer as she teaches us how to respond with love to Jesus.

Do I ponder my experiences in light of the word of the Lord? What "noises" do I have in my mind and heart that distract me? Who is Mary to me? Do I have a relationship with her? Thinking of one person, how will I extend the peace of the Lord to that person today?

God's Daily Word starting January 2, 2011 shall be found on my Facebook page. If you wish to be tagged in every note, just send me a message. And if you prefer to receive it on your cellphone, just send me your GLOBE number. GLOBE number, okay? No funds to text other networks. Hehe.

First Post for 2011

2011-01-01T02:21:00.001+08:00

God's message for me on January 1, 2011 (via Facebook):

On this day, God wants you to know
... that God is there for you to hold on. Hold on to what is good, even if it's a handful of earth. Hold on to what you believe, even if it's a tree that stands by itself. Hold on to what you must do, even if it's a long way from here. Hold on to your faith, even if it's easier to let go. Hold on to God's hand.

Lord, please grant me the courage and strength to hold on to my faith no matter what happens this year. Amen. -_-

What Matters Most and My 2011 Goals

2010-12-31T13:40:00.017+08:00

Two nights ago, I already started jotting down my New Year's Resolutions. Well, they were not exactly resolutions, but more like goals, since I followed Belle de Jour's format on its "2011 Goals" page. Later I will show you its other pages and I won't have to explain why I'm truly loving the planner.

2011 Personal Life Goals

By the end of 2011, I will be...

1. A lot closer to Jesus.

2. More loving, especially to my family.

3. More industrious in all things.

4. More patient.

5. Purer.

On that same page, I wrote my Fitness Goals (which was as simple as having an established exercise routine), Financial Goals (which include saving up as I mentioned in my previous post, and an exact amount in the bank by November 2011), Career Goals (all of which I cannot share here since they don't come true when you talk about them all the time), New Experiences to Try (So far I've listed down only ice skating. Yea, what a loser am I. Ha, ha!),Habits to Start (which include being on time all the time, praying the Rosary everyday, drinking plenty of water, and taking my vitamins everyday), and New Things to Learn (like speaking French, first and foremost :) The rest are a secret.)

My Personal Life Goal # 1 is still the most important of all. Because if my life is not centered in Him, I know I'd be lost. No matter how many goals I accomplish, how successful (I seem to become someday), that would just be in the eyes of the world. But in His eyes, it would be nothing. In other words, I hope and pray and pray and pray and pray some more (Ha, ha!) that God would strip my intentions of vanity. Because it's tempting to do many things just out of vanity-- out of looking good in people's eyes. It's a common temptation to everyone, I guess. We are blinded by the ideals of the world passed on from one generation to another. Most parents pass on the belief that man's goal is to be successful and that is measured by the position he holds and the money he has. And yet, they feel empty... and depressed. No wonder psychology and psychiatry are two of the highest paid professions in the US. Ha, ha!

So what are the things that matter if not those things that I just mentioned above?

Actually, most of them are not things; but people. (In no particular order)

1. Family (The nuclear family, first, because I can't think of any bigger problem than a family that's falling apart. The family is supposed to be a person's source of joy, comfort, strength, and inspiration. That's why there are people who look for these things in all the wrong places. Because they didn't find them at home.)

2. Health (Well, if you die early, your family will miss you terribly, and they'll get sick, too. So they'll follow you soonafter in the afterlife. And well... it doesn't seem so bad after all. Ha, ha!)

3. Your Craft (I didn't write "work," because work is usually tedious. But when you're doing what you love, it's no longer work. It's simply your craft used in the service of others. You make others happy while you are also happy-- not irritable or aburido sa buhay. And if your craft happens to be your source of income, too, then all the better!)

4. The Church (And I'm not referring to Religion. I mean, the Body of Christ-- all the members of it. People, parse. There must be that caring attitude for everyone, because everyone is a brother/sister in Christ. In other words, people must be given more importance than objects. In another set of words: Employers, treat your employees as people, not as things that do not have a life of their own.)

5. The Souls in Purgatory (They are also part of the Church, they are the Church Suffering. Remember your Rel. Ed. class? It's not a question of WHY they matter. Because the answer is just love. Plain love. Praying for them is mainly for their good. In true love, you don't expect anything in return. That's why praying for the poor souls is pure love. But there is hope that when these souls reach Heaven, they will be praying for us there, too. That's what the Church teaches and some saints have witnessed to. And saints are just "too holy to lie.")

6. Heaven (Need I say more? It's our true home. It's the reason why I still thank God when things are not going well in my life. I'm having more reasons to look forward to leaving this world. Ha, ha!)

7. Source of Income [Be it a job or a LEGAL (of course it has to be!) business that you love, you'll need something to sustain the needs of your family. In my case, that is someday.]

Suddenly I feel better after listing those things down. I'm having a major "Oo nga noh" moment right now. Ignore me. I'm still trying to absorb what I've written. Ha, ha!

But before I continue with the absorption process, I told you I was gonna post the BDJ pages that make it the best planner I've ever seen so far, and why you should get one, too (if you're a girl-- of course you have to be a girl because it's a girl thing :-))

A Menstrual Tracker (I told you it's a girl thing!)

The 2011 Goals Page

A Health Checklist (It contains a list of diagnostic exams that you should undergo, depending on your age/condition, the results, schedules, and questions you might wanna ask your physician)

A Habits Tracker Page (Those are 21 circles representing 21 consecutive days of doing something-- and that would turn it into a habit!)

(A built-in but removable notebook that contains project planner pages and many blank pages just for scribbling. Although the planner itself has a Random Thoughts page.)

A DreamBoard (where you can cutout pictures from magazines-- pictures or words that represent your vision in life)

A Cashflow Tracker (Super perfect for me! Now I'll be able to keep track of where my hard-earned cash is going. Before these pages are the Bills Tracker pages, which I think I won't be needing anyway, so I did not bother to show them here. Hehe)

The Monthly Calendar Page (with side boxes for professional and personal milestones, important events, gratitude list, good deeds, and expanding horizons)

The day-to-day pages with an 8 to 8 timeframe you may or may not use.

What's your vision? Let it inspire you everyday when you see it on this page everyday!

The BDJ Lifestyle Card for special invites to BDJ events / promos.

This is one of the many best parts: Discount Coupons at boutiques, coffee shops, spas, restaurants, etc. valid from January 1 to December 31, 2011 (with a few exceptions).

For the last time, thanks for the planner, RJ! Your name definitely goes into the Jan 2011 gratitude box. :)

Contrary to What Nike Says, DON'T Just Do It

2010-12-29T18:16:00.013+08:00

As the tagline of Powerbooks goes, "You are what you read," I guess you are also what you write.

Lately I've been going out a lot, and I had been to malls more often than usual. And whenever I'm there and I get the chance to people-watch, my eyes automatically divert to the shoes and the bag of the female passersby. When I intend to go window shopping, I end up actually shopping! Yesterday I was in Robinson's Manila and I found it has really expanded since the last time I was there. There were more shops and they were still on sale. It was definitely not the place-to-be for someone who listed saving up as her number one New Year's Resolution.

I ended up in different shoe stores; even Rob's ladies' shoe section at department store was a haven of goooooorgeous footwear! I was alone and had the luxury of time so there I was, excited to fit every lovely pair I laid my eyes on. My friend said she was going to be late for our meeting, but I told her it was totally fine and that she SHOULD take her time. And I meant it. There were still so many sexy strappy high heels and suede boots to try on! I had to withdraw from the ATM three times.

You might be imagining me, at the end of the day, holding a lot of

shopping bags filled with boxes of shoes, like that girl on the poster of "Confessions of a Shopaholic." But no, I'm the girl on the imaginary poster of "Confessions of a Prodigal Daughter," and I didn't even buy a single pair out of the shoes I liked. The money I got (bit by bit) from the ATM went to the things that I will be using at an event on December 31st. Good thing I paused. Amidst the excitement, I stopped to think. And I asked myself this question, "What's happening to me?" I wasn't really into shoes and fashion (in general) when I was in college. When did all this start? Then I remembered my first pseudo-job as a blog writer. I used to write about designer shoes and designer jewelry and had come to like them-- and maybe a part of me had wanted some of them, too. Ah, not good. (Designer shoes could be worth tens and hundreds of thousand pesos. Haha!) And even if I've already resigned from that tedious work, I carried on with my writing of reviews of designer shoes.

Hmmm... Maybe it's because of that. Maybe it's also because of man's fallen nature and tendency to sin. And maybe, lack of prayer and good literature. I should continue reading St. Therese's autobiography. She reminds me of the beauty of a simple life centered in Christ, and love as the main source of joy-- nothing else worldly. And maybe I should blog about something else instead of designer shoes. I still don't know what.

I've kept some cash. Some values had been saved. Good thing I paused. I didn't "just do it."

With one of my dearest friends, Luvin Montoya a.k.a. S.L.A.V.E.

My Boyfriend's Christmas Gift (I mean, his gift to me; not mine to him)

2010-12-27T21:50:00.006+08:00

When it comes to giving (and receiving) gifts, the saying "It's the thought that counts" always applies to me. And I don't just mean "remembering people" equals "thought", but actually giving some thought in the gift that I am to give. Thoughts like:

Will he/she like it? (A "yes" to this question is already enough.)

Does he/she need it? Or would he/she need it someday?

Will he/she be able to use it?

And for people who need some moral guidance, I ask, "Will this help him/her in his spiritual or emotional struggle?" (Now you know I'm talking about self-help and spiritual materials. I know a lot. Obviously, I read a lot of them, too. Haha.)

Anyway, that was just an intro. But really, I just want to post here a picture (or actually, pictures) of one of the coolest gifts I received this year. And it answered yes to the three "thoughtful questions" above. (1) Yes, I like it a lot! :) (2) I do need it because I just broke mine recently. (3) So, of course I'll be able to use it-- especially at work. So what is it?

Is it my PRC license, scanned, and turned into an ID card with lace?

--Nope!

(Sorry I had to cover some personal professional details)

Is it my office ID, scanned-- and for some dimwitted reason-- turned into another ID card with lace? Haha!

--Nah!

Is that actually a flash disk sticking out of my ID?

--Yup!

Astig 'di ba? ;-)

It's a back-to-back personalized ID Card-slash-4G USB that comes with a case and a lace :)

***

How thoughtful, how Robyn Tan.

Thanks, Boin! :) Mwah!

If You Don't Like Your College Course

2010-12-27T20:50:00.006+08:00

Me: Habang maaga, sabihin mo na sa dad mo na ibang course ang gusto mo. Alam mo bang torture mag-aral ng course na hindi mo gusto?

First Year Mechanical Engineering Student (who wanted to take up Fashion Designing instead): Pano mo nalaman, ate?

My (Advanced) Birthday Gift to Jesus

2010-12-23T23:15:00.004+08:00

Maybe I should make a separate blog that's all about the Sacrament of Reconciliation. It seems my life revolves around it and the Holy Eucharist, too, of course. They go together. However, last night, as I was praying / reflecting, God revealed to me this rhyme: "Sin and prayer don't go together." Maybe this is why the more I sin, the more difficult I find it to talk to Him. Cima and I were just talking about it earlier today. She had a similar experience. When we sin, it's like we shy away from Him, because we're guilty. Remember Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden? When they ate the forbidden fruit? They hid from God. Still, God went looking for them. Oh well, that's God. He always makes the first move. We're the ones who keep on running away and hiding, though His grace is always readily available. He's ready to forgive all the time. But sometimes, I also don't have the courage to ask for it. And even that, I ask from Him. God, give me the courage to admit my sins and to be truly sorry for committing them. It only reminds me that everything is grace, and I'm totally dependent on God. (Dependent in a cooperative kind of way, not the lazy kind of way) Hehe.

I was really amazed by the long line at the Confessional this evening. I arrived an hour and a half before the start of Confession and yet I was already 17th in the line. There were around 30 penitents there, when on ordinary days, there would only be less than 5. Two priests had to administer the Sacrament; and when the Mass had already started, they didn't cut the line. Well maybe, it's because people know that the best gift we can give Jesus this Christmas is a pure heart. Well, here's mine, Jesus. It's all Yours. And oh, here's my brain, too... and my liver, pancreas, intestines, uterus and everything else. Here's all of me, Jesus. Sorry I couldn't wait for Your birthday. Giving my gift in advance :) Advanced happy birthday! :)

What I'm Seeing Now

2010-12-21T01:02:00.003+08:00

It's been more than a month since I last blogged, I see. And I still have nothing to write about-- something that can be read by everyone, I mean. Maybe I should get a diary again. Instead of collecting stickers for an overrated planner, I could buy a notebook with more blank pages where I could scribble the thoughts I cannot type here. RJ already got me a lovely Belle de Jour planner anyway-- that will more than do (for a planner).

Anyway, why can't I share my thoughts here as I normally do? Maybe because most of them are about the unknown side of me-- the one known only to people whom I consider my spiritual friends. They're very few. And if you are one of them, I probably trust you a lot. Because I can only be vulnerable with people whom I know would not take advantage of that fragility. My judgment or instinct (whichever) was once wrong though. I just hope it won't happen twice. Well, I am yet to find out.

The future is vague. I don't wanna look into it too much. Although the current events in my life are trying to trick me into becoming just too futuristic. In my mind, there are so many suggested pictures (by whom, I don't know). Shots of the time to come. I'm not talking about prophetic dreams or visions or anything magical-- just random thoughts when you get a chance to pause. Maybe the free time I have now is just overwhelming. I've gotten so used to a harried life since I started teaching in Makati. What a chaotic mind (and life, in general) I had. Now that I can finally take a break, it seems I just wanna keep busy again. Because I don't like what I'm seeing.

What do I see? I see that I am not becoming the person I want to be.

And with that, I end this post. The rest goes into the diary.

Why Trust God

2010-11-04T12:35:00.008+08:00

God is not just good, not just great. He's fantabulous! (Gosh, I sound gay.) I had been asking Him for help with some things that I needed to accomplish, asking Him for the strength to stay up late and do these things. But for two consecutive nights I had been feeling incredibly sleepy by the time the clock struck 10. That's unusual! Because I'm a "graveyard person." I also found it odd that God wasn't giving me the strength I was asking for. But I did not skip my praying time just to do work. (Though I was tempted.) I spent my remaining energy on prayer and soon after went to bed. Then, I found out just now that those things I needed to do were no longer needed. My effort would have been wasted if I forced myself to finish them despite my tiredness and sleepiness.

Indeed, "...seek ye first HIS kingdom, and HIS righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." (Mt 6:33)

Alleluia! :)

Work at the Workplace

2010-10-30T13:01:00.004+08:00

It's really a bad idea to bring home work. I've been home for two days now but I rarely left my desk and the test papers I had been checking. And it's even frustrating to be checking papers with exactly the same wrong answers and exactly the same correct answers. (I think you already know what I mean.)

There's time for everything. And I've never approved of my dad doing his work at home at night even after he had already spent the entire day at the office. But now it's happening to me. And I don't like it. Next time, I'll make sure that my vacation is really family time or friends time or boyfriend time. Hehe. Again, because there is time for everything. And "work is for man, not man for work."

My mom has always warned me about becoming a workaholic. Not only is it bad for the health, it's also bad for the people around you. Also, it is a form of vanity. And that's scary. Because as the Devil said in the movie, Devil's Advocate: "Vanity: it's my favorite sin." *Mischievous Grin*

2010-10-29T20:54:00.003+08:00

Robyn Tan spells love as E-F-F-O-R-T. A million thanks to one of the blessings that (or rather, WHOM) I count twice.

2010-10-29T01:57:00.003+08:00

I hope that this is already the saddest point of my life... I hope things won't get worse. I mean, what could be worse than seeing the most important thing in your life fall apart? (Most important after God) And you can't blog about it because it's just way too personal?

Though I believe that there's a solution to every problem, I don't think that applies easily to the situation now. I wanna do something but I don't know what it is.

And on another aspect of my life, just when I was working on it already-- taking my baby steps to IT-- some people just become so uncooperative. It's disappointing. But I know I shouldn't blame others for my failure. I'd like to swear to avoid these people who seem to lack understanding of what I'm going through. You know it's difficult to communicate with people who do not understand you. You'll end up frustrated. Better stay away from them for it's futile explaining to minds that are simply wired differently. And well, obviously I'm having enough stress now. If elimination is the solution, though not easy, it shall be done.

2010-10-21T21:39:00.002+08:00

My confessor has been absent for three days now. I feel like I'm dying. But God only made me realize the value of the Sacrament even more. So it's true: sometimes we just realize the value of things when they're gone. But the Sacrament is not gone; it just isn't available at the moment. Now this longing is killing me.

2010-10-19T16:29:00.004+08:00

Now I know what they mean when they say, "Save up for a rainy day." Only this time it's too literal.

We're on our second day at the hotel. Thank goodness I've learned to restrain my spending spree tendencies since the last two pay days. Haha. Or else I'd be sleeping inside our cold, abandoned staff house.

Juan, Two, Three... Evacuate!

2010-10-18T21:50:00.005+08:00

Now I know why I grew up in a place where the street always got flooded even with just a little rain. I've gotten used to wearing rain boots inside the house whenever a typhoon hits Metro Manila. And yes, I've slept with flood water surrounding my bed, and all my other things stored in giant Ziplocs, floating about. (Check out our house during the Typhoon Ondoy) Who would have thought my evacuation skills would come in handy here in Dagupan? Because of this super typhoon Juan (sosy name: Megi), my housemates and I had to put all our things on the highest places of our staff house (read: the upper part of doubledeck beds and top cabinets). The water was about to enter the house when we left. So yes, we walked through the flood, praying that we would be spared from colds and leptospirosis. We got to the hotel in no time, our reflection looking so pitiful in the lobby's mirror. Mga basang sisiw. Ha, ha! Thank God we're safe though. I just hope and pray that those who got hit bull's-eye by the typhoon are also safe. May P-Noy's goal of zero casualty be met.

NO to RH Bill

2010-10-16T09:58:00.006+08:00

"Give them condoms & you keep them in their chains. Preach the true meaning & dignity of the body & you set them free. In the last 35 years, the U.S. spent 4 trillion dollars trying to clean up the mess that has resulted from the Sexual Revolution. Do you know how much chastity costs? Nothing. How stupid are we?" -Christopher West, Naked Without Shame

I have read before that the people behind bills like this have something to do with the manufacturing of contraceptives. They are really pushing it because they will surely be earning billions of dollars from it. Notice how so many brands of condoms have sprouted like mushrooms these days? People are brainwashed that contraceptives are the solution. But they can't even work as damage control. The more accessible they become, the more available sex becomes for everyone, too-- sex outside of marriage, that is. That makes people think less so they end up making reckless decisions that have serious, irreversible consequences. Contraceptives do not always work, and they even pose serious threats to health. Why don't they educate people about that, too? They keep on calling it Family Planning, when what they truly mean is Preventing Babies. True Family Planning is educating one's children of what's right and wrong, moral and immoral, and inculcating in them values that promote life, and not prevent it. True Family Planning teaches people how to manage a home, find or start sources of income, budget one's finances, and how to become good parents. It is not simply limiting the number of children in the family-- as if these little angels were the culprits in this impoverished society. It's really a shame how even the most intelligent of leaders could think of it that way. Instead of building on stronger moral foundations, they come up with "solutions" that would only encourage people to bask in the immorality we are already being cornered by. They keep saying that for a better nation, change should start from the self-- that it all starts with self-discipline-- while they promote things that would yield opposite results. Self-discipline? Self-control? Except over our sexual urges?

http://www.facebook.com/pages/NO-to-RH-Bill-NO-to-Culture-of-Death/175592572262?ref=mf

Escapist

2010-10-15T00:48:00.002+08:00

You're always compelled to make choices.
You make the bad ones.
You didn't mean to.
But actually, you did.
And it bothers you why you weren't bothered.

So it bothers you after all. And you stare at your blog's New Post window not knowing what to write, and yet you continue typing... not making sense, but you continue typing just to preoccupy yourself... setting aside the real issues... hoping that they'd just die a natural death... though that won't happen. That won't ever happen.

2010-10-15T00:46:00.001+08:00

What are you supposed to do with a numbed conscience?

I don't know.

But it IS scary.

2010-10-08T15:19:00.002+08:00

Sometimes it seems like everybody depends on him. I want him to depend on me for something, too-- for a change.

The Only Allowable Emotional Dependence

2010-10-01T08:38:00.014+08:00

She's my favorite saint and yet I didn't realize it was her feast day today until I opened "The Anawim Way." Shame. It's St. Therese's special day today! It is also the First Friday of the October (hence a day of devotion to the Sacred Heart) and it's the beginning of the Rosary Month as well. Wow :) So many things to celebrate in just one day! And I'm glad my co-trainers will also be attending the Noon Mass later. I've always been hesitant to invite them because of all things in the world, it's pressuring people to go to Mass that I avoid most. I've learned in school that imposition of values doesn't work. One has gotta set a visible example.

This day has just begun and I'm already loving it :) Such a rare occasion in my life here. Haha. But I guess the reflection question today made me feel a lot better as it revealed to me another of God's purposes of putting me here, away from my loved ones. In relation to St. Therese's way of spiritual childhood, the question went, "How is the Lord calling me to live as his child in my day-to-day life?" Then I thought, that's exactly why I'm here! God wants me to find security in Him and not in my parents or my boyfriend or my friends. Because I do have the tendency to be too emotionally attached to people, and saying goodbye to them hurts the most-- even though I know I'd see them again in a week or two. Haha :-P Anyway, I gotta go now and get back to work.

Happy Feast Day, St. Therese! Thanks for always being there for me especially when I need your intercession. Please help me to be more like you :)

Go to Confession... Again... and Again... and Again

2010-09-30T13:03:00.012+08:00

If the priest could only see my face, he must have said, "It's you again!" But no, he didn't see my face, but maybe my voice is becoming more and more familiar to him. I know, because every time I go to Confession, he suggests a different strategy to avoid occasions of sin. But his suggestion today was quite extreme and would have to wait because I know that now is not yet the right time.

Suddenly I feel light. Yesterday I just couldn't wait to go home and sleep because my heart was so heavy I couldn't do anything right-- well, except for my work, because I HAD TO do it whether I liked it or not. On ordinary peaceful days of mine, I'd sleep after 12 midnight because I hardly run out of things to do-- reading, writing, watching DVDs, making beaded accessories, praying, etc. But when you see me hit the sack at 8 or 9PM, you already know why: I am sick-- physically or spiritually or both. I just can't function well when I feel like I'm going to Hell (or am already there), or if not there, to the worst level of Purgatory.

The more often I go to Confession, the more I realize what a blessing this sacrament truly is. It serves as a guide in this life that is troubled by so many evils around. Each time I step out of the confessional, I feel like I've been wrapped in the Blood of Jesus so that I'd be pleasing before God's eyes again.

The Sacrament also reveals to me who God is, what kind of God He is, as well as who I am and what my relationship with God is like. I am not bothered by what people would think because I fail again and again as a Christian. The Sacrament has been showing me every bit of impurity in my soul-- every little thought, word, or deed that tarnish it. I know that I'll discover more in the future. This discovery humbles me and makes me less judgmental of others-- of my fellow sinners. But it also hurts, because it makes me feel frustrated sometimes. It is difficult to be a Christian after all. It is difficult to be holy "just as our Father is holy." In one of the Masses I attended before, the priest said, "If you want an easy religion, don't be a Christian, because being a true Christian is difficult." It means being one with Christ in His sufferings. Because only then will we become one with Him in His glorious victory.

How I wish every Catholic Christian would take advantage of the Sacrament of Reconciliation and just stop making excuses. You guys don't know what you're missing! And my words will surely fall short in describing how loving, forgiving, understanding, and how merciful our God is. You have to experience it yourself :)

Patience: More of It, Please

2010-09-17T13:15:00.012+08:00

Earlier today, I was telling God about my feelings towards some people. (Actually, I am sugarcoating what I really did.) I was complaining. And it happened during the Mass, while we were singing the Lord's Prayer, on the part where we say, "Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us." I was asking Him, "Why are they like that, God?" And then I remembered what the Gospel said a few weeks ago, "Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you; bless those who curse you..." This time, I asked, "How?" And in my heart I heard Him say, "Nina, they are also my children. They can be ungrateful, manipulative... but I love them anyway. Will you love them for me?"

No more questions.

Confessions Of An Addict

2010-08-25T17:02:00.006+08:00

Last Sunday, I didn't go home for my 2 consecutive off-days. Not having any pressing deadlines to beat, I decided to play Plants vs. Zombies. I used to just watch my colleagues planting mutant shrubs, fighting off odd-looking creatures that were supposed to be scary, but were actually funny, and collecting coins, diamonds, and flags. I thought it was just a riot on their laptop screens, but when I got in the game, I found it was more than that. It was about developing strategies (planting potato mines on the front line, putting up "wall-nuts" on the second line, chompers on the third, peashooters or snow peas on the next, and so on), prioritizing wisely (plant a lot of sunflowers first to earn more "suns" that serve as money to buy "battle" plants), and appreciating good music. "There's a zombie on your lawn..." I've been having a major last song syndrome because of it. I was so hooked, I started playing at around 10 in the evening, and found myself still on it at 6AM! I just took a shower, and then finished it afterward to watch the credits (Plant vs. Zombies official music video). Overnight, I finished all the five levels of 10 stages each.

But it's not yet over. There are mini-games plus the Survival Game which is endless! I'm so excited to get my laptop back. Haha! Oh well, looks like I gotta be strict with my playing time. No limits means no stopping, it seems. At least now I have a better understanding of my younger brother's addiction to Dota. Hmm, so this is how it feels...

Amazing Problem

2010-08-18T17:57:00.004+08:00

I went to Confession today-- at the right time, for a change. I've never really followed St. John's schedule for it until today. Hehe. I used to just approach the priest after the Mass, and one of them had been so patient and generous in administering the wonderful Sacrament.

Afterward, as I contemplated the current events in my life before the Blessed Sacrament, I asked Jesus, "Is it normal that people take you for granted after some time?"

He replied, "People take me for granted all the time. But that's the way people are, especially when things are going well."

"How do you deal with it?" I asked further.

And He said, "The way I deal with you. I remain in you and wait until you recognize my presence again."

I figured, usually it's my problems that make me look for Him again-- just like the ones that I have right now. Isn't it amazing how our problems turn out to be graces after all? :)

Oh Grown Ups

2010-07-31T21:48:00.005+08:00

I once thought I was a hopeless case, until I met some people who refused to be corrected.

What a pity.

Back to Pen and Paper

2010-07-30T22:40:00.004+08:00

FINALLY, LIFE PLANS!

And I mean, MY PLANS. Not anyone else's.

I've finally listed down the things I want to do before I return HOME (this time, I'm referring to the One way up there).

And I'm not sharing them here. So you may leave now. Ha, ha! There's something about serious plans that they must be kept secret until you've taken at least the first step to accomplish them, lest they don't materialize. I don't know about you, but that's how it is with me. Just like love; when it comes to it, for me "Silent water runs deep." I don't know. There's something about public professions of love that scares me... something that sounds like the letter "X." Hehe :-P

I'm just blogging to mark this important date of my life when I decided to live it out.

May my plans be in line with HIS. Amen.

I Love Lucky Me! Mac and Cheez

2010-07-29T12:51:00.005+08:00

One of the reasons why I want to go home (to my real home in Las Pinas) is my Mom and the way she cooks. Here in Dagupan, I eat cereals in the morning, Mac and Cheez for lunch, and oatmeal for dinner. I bought this little cookbook from a magazine stand, but I just read it once. I looked around at the grocery store for the ingredients of the recipes I wanted to try out and found them there. Really? Actually, no, I did not. They didn't even have cottage cheese! I was looking for a can opener and I also found it-- in my dreams! It's really different here. It's been seven months (going on eight, next week) and I still find myself adjusting to the way of life. There's also something wrong with the mattress on my bed; it's depressed at the middle (right where my sacral area lies), and it's not good for my scolio. I'm planning to buy an Airbed one of these days.

So I've been ranting. Not really. Just observing... and appreciating "my real home" despite its imperfections.

On Cleaning the Humble Office

2010-07-22T13:54:00.011+08:00

The opposite of love is laziness. That’s one of the most significant lessons I’ve learned from Scott Peck so far. It’s a good—actually, great—book, I think everyone should get a copy (and read it!) before they die. But reading is only the first half, the other half is acting. The other half, for me, happens to be cleaning the “humble office.”

On my funeral, I want the one who would write my eulogy to include this date: July 22, 2010—Anna cleaned the bathroom (or “humble office,” as the Karmelo nuns would call it) for the first time.

It’s probably no big deal to many. My mom cleans the CR. My dad also cleans it EVERYDAY. My housemates here also clean the CR. But I DON’T. I know it had something to do with the diva in me. Like, no I won’t do that even if I know I can, because it is dirty work, and my hands that I put hand cream on everyday to keep them soft and my perfectly polished nails were simply not designed for that. I’ve been living in our staff house here for seven months now, but I never dared to scrub the icky tiles of our bathroom or pick up the odd-looking debris on the floor. So what changed my mind all of a sudden?

Love. Love of God, first, and then love of neighbor (in this case, love of my housemates). I remember telling Sr. Dulce during my visit to their convent, that I was having difficulty finding meaning in the kind of life that I have here in Dagupan. And then she told me it’s going to be no different inside the convent. They do common household chores in there but they are happy. It’s tiring, she says, but when they offer it to God, it becomes some sort of labor of love. You make things better for the people around you, and yea, that’s sweet—especially if some of these people are unlovable, they make one heck of a sacrifice. Ha, ha! And I kid.

I wasn’t planning on cleaning the bathroom today, but after doing the laundry, my guardian angel must have spilled the laundry soap on the floor on purpose. I was about to just rinse it when I thought, why don’t I just clean up the entire thing? Besides, I’ve been thinking of it since I went to the convent, and I was just going to buy rubber gloves and Domex at the grocery store. But the soap was already on the floor and the brush was within reach. So never mind that I had to do it with bare hands. If not now, then when? Rarely is there a "next time."

Widows and Widowers

2010-07-20T22:03:00.008+08:00

I became complacent with my prayer life for the past three or four days—just that short a period of time—and I already became susceptible to the attack of the Devil. I was unprepared for it and so it got the better of me.

I rushed to the Adoration Chapel despite the embarrassment before God. It was as though He was saying, “I told you so.” Yes, He did tell me that I should pray more often and be more disciplined about it, too, even if things are going well and I feel like I’m temptation-proof. Because no one is temptation-proof, and it is when things are going well or too bad that the Devil works best.

I texted Sr. Dulce and Sir Villan, my spiritual friends, and they replied with uplifting assurance and prayers. I needed both. I’m really thankful to God for sending me people like them. It’s difficult to tackle alone this long and winding and rocky road that leads Home. People like them give me courage, like cheerleaders motivating their team to keep going-- minus the miniskirts and pompoms.

It was funny at the Adoration Chapel, this group of old people came in with copies of their prayers in clear folders. I’ve seen them there before and I loved their prayers, so I joined them today. What’s so funny about that? Well, we were already halfway through the prayers and songs when we said, “Lord, bless the Solo Parents Class…” Turned out they were a group of widows and widowers! Oh God, let it not be a sign. I want my future children to have a father to guide them as they grow. Growing up with missing parents has drastic psychological effects to children. I don’t want that to happen to them.

Last night I was crying from start to finish as I watched P.S. I Love You (Hilary Swank and Gerard Butler). I hate movies that make me cry, but I totally love this one. I love Gerry’s (Butler’s) character in the movie. I bet any girl would want someone quite like that. And any guy would want to be wanted and loved the way Holly (Swank) wanted and loved Gerry. I’ll spoil it a bit for you. Someone died. Movies where one of the main characters die make me recoil in distaste, which is the reason why I don’t like Korean Drama. But this one is different :) It did not end with death.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Byn: Anung ginagawa mo?

Me: Nood PS I love you.

Byn: I love you, too.

Ngee :-P

Weird Sign

2010-07-19T18:51:00.003+08:00

It's not difficult to choose between good and bad, but it is between good and better. Although nothing is for sure right now, I feel like sooner or later I might have to make a major choice. It's already making me anxious that sometimes I hope that that "something else" won't have to come along so I won't have to deal with the stress it brings. But then, if it's in the Master Plan, I'll have to face it head on.

Today, in the weakness of my faith, I asked for a sign. It's not bad, according to a priest and to Sr. Dulce. But it would depend on my purpose. If it is to know God's will so that I could carry it out, then there's nothing wrong with it. But I have to be very careful in considering which sign is coming from God, and which one is coming from my selfishness. So, I prayed.

I don't know if God was trying to be funny or if he was serious, but here was his message to me in today's Gospel:

"An evil and unfaithful age is eager for a sign! No sign shall be given it..." (Mt 12:38-42)

Jesus was angry again talking to the Pharisees who were asking for a sign to prove himself as God. But I'm no Pharisee! I'm just HIS prodigal daughter trying to know which way HE wants me to go. And HE need not prove anything. I feel HIS power and presence every moment of my life. As it said in today's First Reading, "walk humbly with your God." (Mi 6:1-4,6-8)

I'll take that as a sign that I really don't need a sign.

*Sigh* Let's just take a walk, God. Keep the blood circulating and the faith growing...

Purple Oreo!

2010-07-15T12:22:00.012+08:00

OREO BLUEBERRY ICE CREAM FLAVOR

--> OREO BLUEBERRY ICE CREAM with Model. Hehe

Byn, you're going to love this new flavor of Oreo! It's your favorite-- BLUEBERRY with a touch of mint, making it taste like ice cream. Must be perfect with vanilla ice cream and Hershey's chocolate syrup. Yum! Tastes like Diabetes.

The beds look creepy.

Last night, we thought we were going to sleep in the living room because the electricity was down and it was cooler outside. But at around 11PM the lights went back on. We looked like typhoon victims, only with comfy sleeping bags. :-P

Necessary and Unnecessary Sufferings

2010-07-07T08:41:00.001+08:00

There are so many things I want to write about right now. But of course, I'm not gonna write them all in one blog post, lest you get bored. Ok, so one topic at a time.

Last Monday 'til yesterday, I was with the Carmelite sisters in Quezon. Maybe you noticed in my previous posts / statuses on Facebook (if you read them. hehe) that lately, my life had been that of a prodigal daughter's. I was guilt tripping and searching for meaning in the things I did, but to no avail. So I decided to take a break and to talk to God. I wanted things to be the way they used to be. I wanted my close relationship with Him back. And I knew He wanted me back, too. So I went.

Sr. Dulce thought I was there to discern whether or not I was gonna enter the religious life-- until I introduced Robyn to her. Haha! Ok, her first question in mind had already been answered, she said. Clearly, it wasn't yet the right time to decide on that matter. The last time we talked, I didn't have a boyfriend yet, and she had not been updated, so she was quite surprised to see Rob, I could tell.

After moments of reflection and prayer, which involved a lot of listening more than talking, after processing my thoughts and feelings, it all boiled down to PRAYER, still-- making prayer the way of life-- just as they do there in the monastery. There's prayer time early in the morning, at midday, before noon, in the afternoon, before supper, and at night, before going to bed. That's one of the reasons why I'm attracted to the religious life. They lead a very simple life, they pray a lot, and they are the happiest people I've ever met.

In my last conversation with Sr. Dulce, I realized I had been burdened by the unnecessary sufferings in life. She said there are two types of suffering. One is necessary, the other is not. Necessary suffering is the type that has LOVE as its by-product, while unnecessary suffering is the type that only produces an unquenchable desire.

For example, necessary suffering can be as simple as allowing oneself to lose an unimportant argument/debate. It's difficult to swallow one's pride and to let the other win, even over trivial matters. But that kind of sacrifice produces love for the other. But first, one has to accept the truth-- feelings of contempt/annoyance towards the other-- and then seek God to help you love the person the way He loves him/her. That's not the normal human reaction, so if done successfully, not only is love produced, but even spiritual growth.

As for unnecessary suffering, an example could be one's ambitiousness. It's the type of suffering one experiences for the less important things in life-- things that are of this world-- success, riches, fame, and the like. Worldly investments, instead of heavenly ones. It's the type that leaves one wanting more and more. Hence, people who suffer these are restless, anxious, and never at peace.

The retreat led me to determine what unnecessary sufferings I am experiencing right now-- and to get rid of them, fast! And it also prompted me to be more open to the necessary sufferings that will help me to love more perfectly.

Herstory...

2010-06-29T03:13:00.003+08:00

...repeats itself. It's frustrating and disappointing.

Correction. "It" refers to an object, while I was referring to a person: my self.

"I" am frustrating and disappointing.

Sounds like Bad English.

Again.

I am frustrated and disappointed with myself.

Better?

I think so, too.

But why is God not surprised?

Because He knows me. He really really knows me. In fact, He's the ONLY ONE who truly knows me.

Again, I know that was Bad English. Ms. Red told us not to use the same words again and again in the same paragraph-- and I violated that rule. But who gives a flying frappuccino?

No one. Just myself. In the same way that I have to deal with the consequences of my decisions on my own-- yet again.

It's odd. Priests could get so passionate and emotional when they deliver their sermons, but in the Confessional, they're just so kind and gentle (I can really feel Jesus working through them). Sometimes I just wish they'd scold me for confessing the same sins over and over again. The same sins, but of varying degrees. Can't tell which are mortal and which are venial, but I don't wanna run the risk of receiving Him in an unclean state. So better not receive Him if I am fully aware that I've done something bad.

Every time I'm in a state of sin, during the consecration, it's as though Jesus is telling me: "So, Nina, would you rather do that than receive me?"

He knows the answer. But how I wish I love Him enough to stop hurting Him.

"Life is Difficult"

2010-05-30T22:59:00.008+08:00

Because I'm an impulsive buyer when it comes to books (actually, with anything else, but right now let me talk about just the books. hehe), I don't know which one to read first, and which to re-read. Now I've got reason to only lend my books and have them back afterwards. Besides, that's exactly what "borrowing" means. One is supposed to return that thing that had been borrowed. Too bad some of my favorite books had never found their way back to my hands. So I buy new copies.

For the sake of making the most out of what I'm reading, I sometimes write my reflections about them. Only sometimes, when I'm not feeling lazy or if I have the luxury of time, or if something really amused me-- which is the case right now. This is the third copy of The Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck that I've gotten hold of, and it's only now that I'm planning to read it cover to cover. So far, he's been making sense-- a lot, really. His opening words, "Life is difficult," have been my guide since I first saw them on the copy my friend Ryan once lent me.

"Life is difficult," and it's better to see it that way than the other way around: Life is easy. You see, if you've already accepted that life is difficult, then you're less likely to have hard feelings when things aren't going well. Life's like that. But when everything's fine, wow, the rejoicing is sweeter, because you thought life was supposed to be difficult, how come it's so easy right now? Hahaha.

"Life is a series of problems," wrote Scott Peck. Ah... so that's why it truly bothers me when I feel like I don't have any problems. Yea, sometimes that happens to me. There is growth in overcoming problems. The way we deal with them defines our character. But in my case right now, I can see many potential problems to choose from. I think I've already chosen the ones that would contribute to the kind of growth I'm after. (It just annoys me when people use words of wisdom-- like, Scottpeck's words-- not to help you but to get what they want from you. Obviously, this just sprang out of somewhere.)

***

Right now, I am tempted to be after what the world is after. Indeed, greatness in this place of exile is enticing. When you encounter people who talk to you about becoming great (in the worldly sense) and they say it with a passion, it could make you doubt your own dreams-- dreams that are of greater importance because they are dreams of the soul. *Sigh* You guys stay away from me.

Back to Normal and New Boyfriend

2010-05-18T11:39:00.004+08:00

I didn't notice it's been more than a month again since I last blogged. So here come major updates.

I'm no longer in Iloilo and I am badly missing the place, its people, the food, and speaking Hiligaynon. As Mau's smiley says: T___T

I'm already on my third week back here in Pangasinan but I've been feeling homesick every-single-day. Sometimes I can't help but cry just to let it out, since I can do nothing but just accept the situation and the incredibly hot weather here. This is what I signed up for so I gotta face the consequences-- good and bad alike. If this is my Purgatory on Earth, thank you God. May the UV rays that burn my skin and the sweat my clothes get drenched in, help in the purification of my soul. But God, I can't help but complain sometimes, when it feels too much. When apart from the environment, some people become just way too difficult to fathom. And the priest last Sunday said try to see Christ in every person no matter how bad he or she SEEMS. If these people who are causing me suffering right now are the way to the salvation of my soul, then again, thank you, God. But please help me remember that whenever my head gets hot. Be good, O my temper.

I think I'm not for long-distance relationships; heck, I'm not even for a quite-long-distance one. Maybe part of the homesickness is due to the fact that I just got into a courtship with Rob. He's always been around, ready to help, just like Superman-- or even better. I've said this before but when love is new one has the tendency to say things over and over again. Thank God for giving us friends who don't tire of listening. Or if they do get saturated by the same stories, at least they still pretend to be interested, and nothing makes the storyteller happier than that.

Although some situations are sad, I'd still be truthful when I say I've got joy in my heart. There are many reasons to be happy-- a lot more than these overwhelming stressors. One of these reasons is that I'm in a "legitimate" relationship for the first time. (Yea, and we're back to Rob again. Well, you understand, right?) He's the first suitor who ever stepped into our house, and also who got beyond the gate. Haha! First suitor I introduced to my mom, and also the first boyfriend I introduced to my parents. It's cool. I don't know where I got the courage to have him meet my dad. And I don't know where Rob got his courage, too. Hahaha! (Must be the Sacred Heart of Jesus, eh?) But that was how it was supposed to be. A daughter's gotta do what a daughter's gotta do; and a boyfriend's gotta do what a boyfriend's gotta do. Maybe it's simply all about love and respect in different forms.

Enough with that. I have no intention of over-sharing (or did I just do that? Haha!) Well, if it's something people will learn from, why not? Young ladies, listen to your moms. They really know best. And oh, do show your dads that you love them... it helps curb their jealousy and paranoia. You know what I mean. ;-P

True Love Struggles

2010-04-14T20:53:00.005+08:00

At around 2 in the afternoon today, I was looking out the one-way mirror of the virtual lab, just reflecting on the things I've learned these past few days. As my Facebook friends said, spiritual dryness is an opportunity to miss God and to have a stronger faith. I had been struggling with my emotions over someone very dear to me. There's nothing wrong with that if it doesn't distract one from her prayer life. But if it already does, then one has to do something before one turns into an idolater-- before one starts worshiping the gift instead of the Giver...

Me: God, how come St. Therese appreciated the blessed host so much? (She wept out of joy during her First Holy Communion) I mean, why don't I feel that way about it? Sana God, ma-appreciate ko rin 'yun the way she does.

God: (No answer. Or maybe I didn't hear it.)

Me: Hmmm... Magsimba kaya 'ko mamaya, God?

God: (Still NR)

Me: Kaya lang, God, may ginagawa nga palang flyover sa tapat ng school. Walang sasakyan. Ang layo pa ng lalakarin papuntang sakayan ng jeep. Hindi ko pa alam kung saan 'yun. Ang init pa ng panahon. Hindi pa 'ko sure pa'no pumunta dun sa St. Clement's na 'yun. Hmmm... next time nalang siguro God.

God: Nina, 'pag nalaman mo na nasa St. Clement's (church) si [insert name of that-person-very-dear-to-me] ngayon, pupuntahan mo ba siya?

Me: (Could not answer)

God: E ba't ako hindi mo mapuntahan?

Me: (Still could not answer)

*Tear Ducts Activated*

I ended up attending Mass after that. It so happened that the student I was talking to knew how to get there. She accompanied me to the place where I had to take a jeepney, and then gave me instructions on how to go home. "Sakay kayo ng Jaro Liko Tagbak." I kept on repeating her instructions in my mind, and later on she even texted me the instructions. After the Mass, I took a taxi back to the school.

It's a good thing God let me recognize my infatuation before it had gotten worse. The same thing with that-person-very-dear-to-me. I was surprised by how willing he was to "back off" to let me have my time with God-- to make up for the lost time. Well, he needed it, too.

If this is love, then it will not only wait; it will have to struggle. It has to struggle to be pure and God-glorifying, not self-seeking. I have to be sure that my happiness depends on God alone and not on anyone or anything else. Until then, I won't be ready for a courtship.

Pissed with Perri Todd's

2010-04-13T00:08:00.006+08:00

Love the food. Hate the service.

So you make great-tasting humongous burgers and fried potatoes that make Shakey's mojos pale in comparison, all right. But if you keep treating your customers that way, you'll definitely lose them all-- one person or group at a time-- one day. Never in my life have I dined in any restaurant where the manager himself almost threw us out of the place just because we were taking "too many" tables for our number since we were still waiting for more company to arrive. And to think that we have already ordered for them, it was really disappointing that the manager still wanted to take one of our tables where food was already served.

"People here come and go. We cannot wait for them because other customers need a table."

Is that our friggin' problem??? We ordered food good for 10 people and you wanna give us a table for 5???

Wait IMPATIENTLY and make it show on your face. Talk to your customers as though it were their debt of gratitude to eat at your restaurant. Keep that up and soon you'll find more blog posts like this about you.

Spiritual Dryness

2010-04-12T01:57:00.004+08:00

When I went home to Las Pinas, I brought with me my laptop and my MA module, with the recurring thought of accomplishing some work during my three-day vacation. But alas, I'm now back in Iloilo and I still haven't done anything that I have planned to do. Though I was happy to see my family and some friends, deep inside I knew something wasn't right. And I was right. I went through a day of spiritual dryness-- that was yesterday. I didn't like it at all because I was so uninspired. Unmotivated. I just wanted to sleep all day, and that was what I did for the first 12 hours. That's how you deal with spiritual dryness the wrong way.

The right way I did after that. I got up, talked to Him even though I couldn't feel His presence, grabbed my book about lukewarmness (although lukewarmness and spiritual dryness are two different things), read about how to make the most out of one's desert experience, felt really sorry for my negligence, and promised to make amends. This is one of the things one can't just talk about to anyone and expect to get consoling words. That's why it's called a desert experience-- you feel alone-- although in reality you're never alone. It's a process of purification and a test of faith (which I fail most of the time). God knows how weak I am, so I thank Him for not allowing me to feel abandoned for so long.

*Sigh*

What would I do without You, God?

Date Night

2010-04-10T13:43:00.004+08:00

My mom noticed how I have very few friends kept from high school to present. Well, I'm not very choosy when it comes to people to befriend. But those who will stick around will simply do-- naturally. And in my case, they are usually the ones I least expected to stay :) As I usually say, my God is a God of surprises.

Two of them are Kris and RJ. I met them through S.L.A.V.E. (Luvin-- one of those I consider my best friends). I didn't know I'd be hanging out with these guys for long. Haha! Last night had been great. Among the things we did, what I loved most was talking to them. I believe that it is through sharing our stories that we make friendships grow. I think the same thing applies to love-- among lovers and families. Notice how married couples come in constant conflict when they barely have time to talk, and children with their parents, too. Date Night (the movie) is actually about that. Bottom line is, when the spark is gone, it would take two to get it back. It doesn't reappear by itself. It's something two people should work on. And you don't find it anywhere else but at "home."

Home Now

2010-04-08T23:08:00.008+08:00

With Brother Dear (taken just a few minutes ago)

The only disadvantage of working away from home is exactly that: you're away from home. Haha. I mean, home is where you get surrounded by the people you love and who love you back-- surely and unconditionally. It is only at home where you can have total confidence in the love of the people you are with. Such confidence makes you feel secure, as though whatever happens, you'll never be alone... unlike when you're in a place faraway, sometimes loneliness can get the best of you, and you just cry... and you offer the pain for the souls in Purgatory. Hahaha. At least, you've got something to offer. And obviously I've been replacing "I" with "You." I'm speaking based on experience. Hehe. I really am just happy to be in my brother's room again... to be fetched by my Dad at the airport... to be greeted by Jinky and Krista (our dogs) and Juda and Jumbo (our 2 new puppies)... to be talking to my Mom about anything and everything... to be using DSL once again (what a wonderful break from uber slow smart bro)... *sigh* how I wish April 11 won't have to come. But then, that would only delay the arrival of April 17. So never mind. Let time go on as it should. I'm missing him a bit too much already.

I Really Love Guimaras and the Souls in Purgatory

2010-04-03T21:16:00.006+08:00

Spent Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, and half of Good Friday in Guimaras, but this time we weren't there to have fun-- although it seems my company did enjoy, especially the boys who-- never mind. Haha. We went there without prior reservations at any resort so we were like nomads two nights ago. All resorts were fully booked. I thought we were going back to Iloilo disappointed. But that was our fault anyway. Thankfully, the staff of Raymen had pity on us. Haha. We were supposed to sleep inside a small cottage (take note, only with one table and some benches. Haha! We were actually planning to sleep sitting down, and just wait 'til a room gets vacated the following day) I don't know how they found a nice room for us to stay. It was a small air-conditioned room with a CR, so it wasn't bad. It was bad for the boys they had to sleep on a thin mattress on the floor. Haha. But then, thank you, gentlemen. At least you didn't have to suffer from stiff neck had they not been able to give us a decent place to sleep in.

On Good Friday, we went to Balaan Bukid. Bukid means farm, but surprise, surprise, it was actually a mountain. Haha! Yea, we did the Stations of the Cross on that hot, hot mountain. My skin is darker by 40%, I think. My shirt was dripping wet with sweat. My foundation melted and my hair got really sticky due to the salty wind. But it's ok. It was my first time to do the stations of the cross on a mountain. Jesus didn't complain of any of those petty observations of mine. Yup, they were just observations, not complaints. This Holy Week, I have resolved to minimize complaining, if not totally stop it. I bought a small book about the Souls in Purgatory, and I noticed that every time I read about them, something changes in me, in my perspective, in my view of life. As I read about them, my discomforts, inconveniences, physical and emotional suffering, and even agonizing waiting periods suddenly have meaning. And that was what my Good Friday was all about: The Poor Souls in Purgatory.

I have read from the book that these souls are released from Purgatory on Good Friday, Christmas Day, and All Saints' Day. I believe in the testimonies of saints about them.. I mean, these guys are holy people, would they lie about such a thing? What for? I'm sorry that must have sounded defensive. Hehe. It's just my defense mechanism whenever I get frustrated in trying to convince people that Purgatory does exist. Anyway, I'll deal with the skeptics next time. But right now, if you do believe in Purgatory (like I strongly do), I encourage you to pray CEASELESSLY for them. I sometimes fail to pray for them and those times are when I am preoccupied by my own anxieties in life. But these souls remind me that something else matters much more than my life right now-- and that is the eternal life. As part of the Church Militant, it is one of our primary responsibilities to pray for the Church Suffering, so that we would all be united as one Church Triumphant someday.

It's ok to suffer now. It's ok to sacrifice while we voluntarily can. It's ok to start with our Purgatory now while we're still on earth than to experience the actual thing in the afterlife. Our pains now hurt only our bodies, but they purify the soul. The pains of Purgatory sting the soul as they purify it. It's the kind of pain that comes out of longing for God. Like you're already so near to Him yet you can't touch Him because you have to be cleaned first. Have you ever missed someone so badly it already hurt physically? You've developed physical symptoms? Missing God while one is in Purgatory must be like that multiplied a thousand times.

I can go on talking about the Holy Souls until I run out of load (Smart Bro), but thankfully, I still have my Multiply account, which I no longer update. Hehe. Just click on the link if you want to know more about the souls in Purgatory and what you can do to help them.

In summary, just offer to God all your sufferings for them. And suddenly the pain will be more bearable :)

Click Here: Sufferings in Purgatory

Click Here, Too: A True Story About Purgatory

And Also Here: My Latest Post About Purgatory (Prior to this one)

BE A PRAYER WARRIOR! Please sign up for free! --> http://www.pwhs-mfi.org/

THANK YOU on behalf of the Holy Souls! :)

“Eternal Father, I offer thee the Most Precious Blood of Thy Divine Son, Jesus, in union with the masses said throughout the world today, for all the Holy Souls in Purgatory, for sinners everywhere, for sinners in the Universal Church, those in my home and within my family. Amen.”

Confessions of a Gastadora

2010-04-01T05:07:00.001+08:00

Because I've seen how smart my colleagues have been in handling their finances, I've decided yesterday to follow suit and save up starting now. I'm not the type who thinks so much about the future, but yea, there's no need to spend too much if it isn't necessary. Well, that would depend on my definition of "necessary." Haha!

Last night, I made a list of the things I bought that evening after I got my salary. I was surprised that the few shopping bags already cost me a lot. It's nice to take into account all your purchases. Because a hundred is just like a peso when you've got thousands. But when you're starting to run out of money, you start treasuring your hundreds as though they were thousands. Can you relate? Hahaha. I think I should think that I don't have money even if I do have, so I won't be spending and spending whenever there's a chance. Haha! Kidding! I also don't want that. One of the few things I dislike about people is when they say they don't have money when in fact, they do have. They just don't want to spend. Ah. That's better. Say "Ayoko gumastos" rather than, "Wala 'kong pera." The former sounds more honest. Hahaha.

Because I don't like it, I rarely say it myself. Instead I say, "Paubos na," which is usually the case. Hahaha. Man, I'm tired of it. Gotta do something about my impulsive buying tendencies. Yesterday, Mavie was literally pulling me away from the stuffs that I was looking at in stores. I told her earlier to stop me with "no mercy." Haha! No mercy means no matter how much I wanna buy something, she had to stop me. So there, a lot had been saved. But next time I have to have self-control, forget that I still have extra money, and think of things that I can start saving up for, like... tuition fee for my masters-- not in nursing-- but in Applied Theology. I finished nursing but I wanna be a Rel. Ed teacher. Hahaha. I can also start saving up for a small business I can use someday in case I get married, have my own kids, and become a full-time housewife. Hmmm... or if not, in the near future, I'd like to celebrate my birthday in Majayjay, Laguna, at our community there during our Community Health Nursing Immersion. I miss my kids! I mean, the kids. Yea, a children's party would be really really nice :) God bless my plans. (Wow, did I really just plan?)

"Form a plan and it shall be thwarted; it shall not be carried out, for 'With us is God!'" (Is 8:10)

So, Thy will be done, still.

Louis Martin

2010-03-21T22:12:00.000+08:00

As I continued reading St. Therese's autobiography, these words of her father (Blessed Louis Martin) struck me: "O Lord, it is too much. I'm too happy I can't go to heaven in this state. I want to suffer for you." It kind of made me worried. Not that I am "too happy," I'm just happy. And Louis Martin even said that as he gave up all his daughters for God at Carmel. He was honored that God chose his brides from his home and although it was painful for him to let them go, he was happy to do it for God. It was odd that he wanted to deny himself even that form of happiness. It's disturbing because the more I know about St. Therese and her family and their way of thinking, the more I see the excesses in my life-- the glory, vanity, and the like. *Sigh* I hope I won't be like that rich man in the Gospel who wanted to follow Christ but couldn't give up his riches.

Hmmm... I think I can give up all my money. I don't have a lot anyway. Haha! My family? Yea, God can will take care of them. Worldly glory? That's nothing compared to the glory I'd share in when I get to heaven. My love life? Well, uh, hmmm... (after some thought... and a sigh), Aryt God, really, Thy will be done.

Learning from Teachers

2010-03-13T03:50:00.004+08:00

I'm going to be the teacher I wanted mine to be when I was still a student. Back then, I've always loved my teachers who knew how to make me understand the things they were saying-- those who simplify what seems so complex. Some of them were not even drop dead smart, but I learned more from them than from the arrogant ones who spoke French and cited page numbers. Haha! Oh well, they did teach me something, too: what NOT to do.

There's something to be learned from everyone.

The Angry Me

2010-03-12T03:36:00.003+08:00

I get angry. I don't speak. I remain angry. I still don't speak. You draw the last straw. And my parasympathetic nervous system kicks in. Lacrimation. [Nursing Mode]

But there are those who know the right words to say. Words of wisdom that make you see the bigger picture and not just the teeny-weeny world where the selfish you resides. It's nice to have this kind of people around. Because it's difficult to follow your own advice when you're mad. Hehe.

Iloilo First Impressions

2010-03-08T10:57:00.002+08:00

I'm taking a break from fixing my slides. Tomorrow is the official start of my job here as a nurse-trainer. Anyways, I have observed some classes yesterday and the day before that. The students are very much like us, Paulinians, so I guess I won't have a problem adjusting to them. But I am having a problem adjusting to the weather. I had to buy a new lotion with advanced UV protection. It's really very hot here. Too bad I brought too many long-sleeved tops. Well, at least my skin will be protected. Sounds so vain, eh?

New work mates seem great. We had dinner at a nice resto last night (Ramboy's), but I couldn't eat the liempo. At least my all-time favorite chopsuey was there, and it tasted fantastic I forgot my name. Hahaha. But really, food here is good. Too bad it's Lent. Haha. But at least the sacrifice is sweeter.

Just like in Baguio, the taxi drivers here are not contracting and are not expecting tips. Traffic is good (drivers already get impatient with a 5-minute traffic jam! They'd go amok in Manila. haha!), roads are smooth, and there is much less pollution. I know because there's less dirt on my face when I wash it at the end of the day.

People here are also very honest, according to the students. Well, they all seem so friendly and they talk sweetly. There's something about their dialect that's attracting me to learn it. When I'm no longer toxic, I'll see if I'd find time for that. I think I really have to find time because yesterday Kevin, Mavie, and I attended our first Mass here and the priest was speaking in Ilonggo the entire time, we were so out of place. Haha!

Hey, I gotta go. I just popped in for a little documentation. Hehe.

I'm Back

2010-03-07T02:49:00.007+08:00

I'm back, but not home. I arrived in Iloilo yesterday (or some hours ago). I was ambivalent about leaving home (Las Pinas) and Dagupan (HCAI-University of Pangasinan) until midnight of March 6. I didn't wanna leave that I even posted on my Facebook as my status, "will die a little today." Some of my friends must have taken it literally. I wasn't suicidal-- just sad, that's all. It was just like singing the song, "Every time we say goodbye, I die a little..." But really, sadness can kill-- though I've never heard of anyone dying of it per se. But they are the ones diagnosed with myocardial infarction, pathological grief, cancer, etc-- which all lead to death if not craziness. So the song does have a point after all.

So many things have happened since the last time I updated this blog. That was more than a month ago now, if I'm not mistaken (See? I don't even remember when that was! Haha!) I think I've been busy with work, more work, and extra work. JCI Best Practices had been draining me. Haha! But it's ok because the students were enjoying it. The positive feedback gave me encouragement, while my prayers gave me strength.

Just so you know that I haven't been going emo lately-- despite the workload, the homesickness, and my new haircut-- I'll let you in on the latest: I am happy-- for reasons that I cannot count, and some I cannot even explain. That's why the sadness I felt didn't matter for long. My inner disposition must have compensated for the news that I was to be sent to Iloilo. Back in December, I remember praying (almost with tears) that I would not be the one chosen to be sent here even for just a while. Haha. If they told me back then that I was the one to leave, I must have cried! Hahaha. But when our team leader told me about it last month, I was like, "Oh. Ok. Just make sure one month is one month."

I believe that God answered my prayer-- although it wasn't the answer I was expecting. He did not grant my "wish" but He changed my attitude towards what was going to happen. It's not so bad after all. Maybe it's even gonna be better.

The Choice

2010-01-18T08:16:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, in my prayer, I re-learned that love is a choice. And I choose to love God.

In my previous post, I mentioned my fear of freedom. But then again, without freedom, love would have lost its meaning. If God decided for me to love Him, then it would not have been love at all. As for freedom, the rest of my choices--minor and major alike-- should arise from the main decision that I just made: to love God. And that means turning my back on every worldly thing there is. The choice is between the world and Jesus. I can't have both. This is not a Hannah Montana case of getting the best of both worlds. It's either heaven or earth, good or bad, obedience to God or to Satan. There are no gray areas there.

Yea, it's difficult. Of course, it is. Whoever said that life was easy? If it were, we would have loved it here so much that we'd forget about our real Home.

"Anyone who loves his life loses it; anyone who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life." [John 12:25]

Why the Poor are Happy

2010-01-14T08:55:00.004+08:00

I can't stop talking about St. Therese, so now I'm even blogging about her yet again. Haha. That really is just how it is when you're in awe, I guess. Since I wanna be like her, I find it amusing that we have some similarities. Haha. I was surprised to know that there was someone else who also feared freedom. Freedom is a gift from God, I know. But it's too great a gift that it can be difficult to handle sometimes-- especially for someone who can be indecisive like me. Haha. But how exactly do you give your freedom back to God when there are so many distractions in the world that make you think twice about letting go of your controls?

Silence. Quality time with God. Keeping in touch with heaven. That's how! St. Therese, though she was living the temporary life, was preparing for eternal life all the time. She was the type whom when you ask, "What would you do if today were your last day on earth?" would reply, "I'd do exactly what I'm doing right now." She didn't say that, and I don't know if she was ever asked that question. But if ever, I know that would be her reply. I hope I can say the same thing and really mean it when someone asks me that question.

We see St. Therese as "such a great person," but she sees herself as someone who is so weak that God had not permitted strong temptations to come her way. So does that mean God thinks I'm quite strong? Haha. There are soooooo many temptations in the world. So many distractions. So many seemingly beautiful things-- but only seemingly. It's so easy to be taken a way by them if I falter in prayer even for just a day. The comforts of the world can also be distracting. They have the tendency to make me forget about the comforts of heaven, which are a gazillion times better! So that's why Jesus said "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of God."

I'm happy right where I am now (even without food allowance yet. Haha) If everything were convenient for me and if I had a surplus of every-worldly-thing, it would have been difficult for me to recognize my need for God. Thank God I know I need Him :)

Amazed by The Little Flower

2010-01-13T13:54:00.004+08:00

Gerard was teasing me about something this afternoon. I couldn't think of a good answer, so I stopped what I was doing and just said, "Gusto mong lumipad 'tong libro sa mukha mo?" Of course, I didn't mean it. But it did make him shut up. I put the book down on my lap and saw St. Therese on the cover, and then I realized, Oops, that was harsh.

It was a mean thing to do if I really did it, but I was only kidding. But then, it was also a mean thing to say. So I tried to be friendly to him afterward. Haha. Reading The Story of a Soul and learning about St. Therese's kindness has been making me feel like becoming more kind myself. She's my favorite saint (together with St. Anthony), but it's only now that I'm reading her autobiography. It's amazing. She's amazing. Actually, God is amazing! --for creating such a wonderful being with a strong character and so much love.

It seemed there was never a moment in her life when she had forgotten about the existence of Heaven. She had always been looking forward to eternal life, and even said, "Earth seemed a place of exile and I dreamt of heaven." She was always aware of God's presence and was able to relate every single aspect of her life to Him. She saw every event through the eyes of Jesus. Her pains were for the good of her soul, while her joys were God's ways to console her. I was able to relate when she wrote, "I resolved never to let my soul wander from the gaze of Jesus, so that it could sail peacefully towards the shores of heaven." I know how it feels to wander away from the flock: it feels heavy, lonely, and empty. That's why I don't wanna do that again. It seems St. Therese already knew that at a very young age, so she didn't have to experience it.

She was afraid to sin and that was apparent as she avoided anything that would lead to vanity. She must have known that good deeds can be bad if done out of self-righteousness. What's really amazing about her is the motive behind the things she did-- no matter how trivial-- she did them for the love of God. How she became like that, I can say, aside from God's pure grace, was also because of her saintly parents. They brought her up well. They prayed with her A LOT, loved her A LOT, and spent A LOT of time with her. I saw their family as an impeccable representation of the Holy Family in the late 18th to early 19th century. I found the Holy Family difficult to imitate and even impossible nowadays, because That only existed 2,000 years ago. But with a modern example, suddenly there's hope. If I don't become a nun like St. Therese, I do hope I'd find someone quite like Louis Martin for a husband. Haha.

Emotional Dependence

2010-01-11T14:14:00.007+08:00

How do you blog when what's been bugging you for the past week is something quite personal?

But then, not writing about it could be worse. If it stays on your mind, your head's gonna grow heavy. And that isn't good, especially for me, who had been having increased intracranial pressure due to a very VERY bad cold. I've just completely recovered yesterday. So I'm back here... to inform people that, yes, this page is still active.

Since I cannot elaborate on "emotional dependence," which is one of my main concerns these days, I'll just write here how I got well without taking antibiotics. (Gee, just the thought of discussing that one is already making me sleepy. So, back to emotional dependence.)

I've been warned... by Joshua Harris, Bo Sanchez, Mauricio Alegre, Eric & Leslie Ludy, and by God Himself, that getting too close too soon is dangerous. Add to that the next best teacher to God: experience. So now that such weakness of mine is threatening to get the best of me again, I've been guarding myself. No one else will (nor can) do that for me. God shall give me the grace, but I have to will it, too.

Emotional dependence sucks. Sometimes it disguises itself as love; sometimes as friendship. Love is good. Friendship is, too. But when you start to feel-- what's the word? hmmm...-- like something's missing, just because the other isn't around, haven't called (yet), haven't dropped you a line (yet), and the like, then that is a bad sign. Tsk tsk. Very bad. Hahaha. It's unhealthy. It's irrational. So get a grip, realign your focus, and make use of that stuff between your ears. It's good and reliable stuff, by the way; just don't rely on the hypothalamus part too much.

Obviously, I've been thought broadcasting. I'm not sure if I'm making sense to you. But I do understand myself (I guess). And that's what's important. I understand that I'm going through a typical process of... whatever it is. It has happened before, so I know better. I definitely know better. And this can be fleeting. I know, because as I said, this has happened before, and mind you, not just once or twice. Matters like this should be given time and not be stressed over-- which ironically, seems to be exactly what I'm doing. Haha.

Seriously now, only time will tell. So, back to work.

The Ten Commandments of Parenting

2009-12-28T01:16:00.003+08:00

After five years, we've met again. Fr. Joel, Sr. Fatima, and a very few of the Monicans had our mini-reunion-slash-recollection today. I missed those guys. They were the people I was with when God made a drastic change in my life on the 11th of February '05. Being with them today was like reliving those wonderful moments in Don Bosco Batulao. It was only three days, but it was truly life-changing.

Today happens to be the feast of the Holy Family, too, so we talked quite much about it. But one thing will surely remain in my mind after this day (because it's cool and is also the easiest to remember): The Ten Commandments of Parenting, which Fr. Joel shared during his homily.

1. Love your spouse.
2. Love your spouse.
3. Love your spouse.
4. Love your spouse.
5. Love your spouse.
6. Love your spouse.
7. Love your spouse.
8. Love your spouse.
9. Love your spouse.
10. Love your children.

Hahaha! How can I forget that? Emphasis on the first nine commandments, because, Father said, you two will be together "'til death do you part," but your children will leave you someday because they have no obligation whatsoever to stay with you. They will HAVE to go. The love between husbands and wives will also be the source of love of the children. Without it, the family's gonna be a disaster. And I think that's exactly what the world is lacking nowadays: True Love. No, contrary to popular belief, you don't find it. You "work" for it.

The Odd Thing About Fathers (Or is it just MY father?)

2009-12-26T23:51:00.005+08:00

When my dad welcomed my brother with open arms on Christmas eve, I saw God in Him. I never thought he would-- and could-- do that. Hands down; that moment made this year's the best Christmas ever. Every year, I would look for something special about the 25th of December, not realizing that celebrating it with my family is what's really special about it. When this year threatened to pass with one member missing, the real meaning of Christmas dawned on me. Yes, it's about Jesus; but it's also about family. Thank God for Christmas, somehow people's hearts seem softer, more loving, and gentle... So that's why they say they hope it's Christmas everyday. I say, why not? :-)

But then, earlier this evening, Dad's weirdness came out again. That weirdness, I suppose, comes from some sort of paranoia, which must have developed due to an unsuccessful trust vs. mistrust stage of psychosocial development. Is that so? Or is it because of Empty Nest Syndrome? I don't know. But anways, why am I saying this? It's because I'm the type of daughter who grew up not having a curfew-- because I never would have needed one. I would go to school in the morning and go home in the afternoon; I would spend my weekends with my family-- still at home or at the mall-- either way, it was often, if not always, with them. In college, my school was still my second home and even worse, it seemed like my first home because I lived at the school's dormitory. So my parents didn't have to give me a curfew. There were times when I would go home at midnight or even up to three in the morning, yet I won't hear a word from them. Well, that must have been because I did ask for permission. But then, 3am is still late for a lady, right? I should have gotten a bit of a sermon-- well, not that I wanted one. But I would have understood if they did.

BUT THEN, tonight, it was only 11:30 PM, and I told them that I'd just be having coffee with a friend at Starbucks that was only a few kilometers away from home, I was even already on the way home when I got a message from Mom, saying something like "Gabi na, hindi na raw uwi ng dalaga gantong oras. Uwi na." Those were not the exact words, but you get the message. Emphasis on the "raw." Meaning to say, it was my dad who said that. When I got home, my mom opened the door and she seemed cool about it--I mean, about me, going out with a guy. As if holding back a chuckle, she just said, "Hindi raw uwi ng dalaga gantong oras." Totally weirded out, I just said, "It's not even 12 o'clock yet." (We speak in Filipino at home but I tend to answer in English when I'm exasperated.) I looked for my Dad, but he was already asleep. I don't know what he's going to say tomorrow. Will I get a reprimand? A lecture? A CURFEW??? At this age??? HAhaha! I don't know. To think of it as a possibility is already ridiculous.

Shopping in High Heels: Mere Stupidity

2009-12-23T23:24:00.006+08:00

Apparently, I wasn't in my right mind again today. Is there any person-- with sanity intact-- who'd wear four-inch high heeled shoes to run an errand and go Christmas shopping? And also commute, by the way? If my feet could talk, they would have been cursing me all day long. Good thing I was able to let them rest at Powerbooks. I grabbed a book from the best sellers' section, took my shoes off, and sat on the carpeted floor at the corner of the store where some of Makati's buildings could be seen from outside the glass window. It was a nice spot and the instrumental background music was soothing. All I needed was a cup of hot Dark Cherry Mocha and it would have been perfect.

When I was already halfway through "When God Writes Your Love Story," I realized I should get going because I had to buy gifts for some more people, and it was already 6PM. I didn't buy the book I was reading. Haha! I bought something else, which, I think, was better. Straightforward and quite rigid-- but if read in the light of love and not mere self-righteousness-- it was really better.

At the end of the day, I realized that money flies... and it flies faster than time. Haha!

I also realized that when you're new to a place, you should ask the security guards about where the taxi stand to Las Pinas is. So that you won't be falling in line for more than an hour only to find out when you're already at the end of the line, that you were waiting at the wrong place. Argh! I just asked the driver to drop me off at Buendia, and there I rode a bus home.

But then, I think I was meant to ride the bus. Why? Because if I didn't ride the bus, that baby at the seat in front of me, wouldn't have smiled and laughed from Baclaran to Coastal as we played peek-a-boo. I don't know if there was something funny about my face. But she would laugh whenever I'd smile. That little one just made my night :) It's amazing how it's so easy to make those little people smile. You just smile and they smile back. But then, they're also too quick to trust; I was a stranger yet she was already stretching out her arms to me. Haha. Good thing I was a "good stranger," and not a kidnapper :-P

Another reason why I was meant to ride the bus was the kid beside me. She was sitting on the lap of her mom, and I didn't notice that she was already silently vomiting because I was too absorbed in Mauricio Alegre's "Love and Courtship." (I know I'm so stubborn. I've been told since elementary not to read in a moving bus, but then, there I was, with eyes glued to the shaking text. It was a good booklet, I couldn't help it!) Anyways, the mom asked if I had a plastic bag with me. Good thing I went shopping! I was able to give her the plastic bag of my gift for Dadi. Hehe.

I was meant to play a little part in the lives of those people-- that's why I was there... despite the aching feet-- which, I KNOW, was also my fault! I was too excited to wear my shoes because they were new. And so, I had to bear the consequence of that.

Anyways, if you've been paying attention to the titles of the materials I've been reading, you'd notice a pattern. (Hmmm... scrolling up?) Why, you might ask, am I into this right now? Well, let's just say, love has caught me unprepared before. And a lot of things have been wasted-- time, effort, values... I just don't want that to happen again. Not again, God. Not again. Keep me near You.

Time to go back to bed and put my legs up against the wall. Rationale: Promote venous return. *Nursing Mode*

Christian Names

2009-12-23T07:45:00.002+08:00

The priest, in his homily today, said parents should give their children Christian names. (The Gospel was about the naming of John the Baptist) He said names that have Christian meanings stand the test of time; unlike names of movie stars whose popularity is short-lived.

We have new puppies at home. They're not children, but my Dad is already rethinking the names he just gave them: Jinky and Krista.

Little Red Dress

2009-12-21T00:36:00.003+08:00

Setting: Tutuban Mall
Characters:
Chinese Guy as Store Owner
Saleslady as Saleslady
Rob as Rob
Me as Myself

ME: Ate, magkano po?
SALESLADY: 750.
ME: (Pretends to think) Sige Ate, balikan ko nalang. Mag-iikot pa 'ko.
SALESLADY: Magkano po ba budget niyo?
ME: Hmmm... 400 po.
SALESLADY: 600 nalang.
ME: Balikan ko nalang 'te.

STORE OWNER notices the bargaining from afar.

SALESLADY: (Lifts the dress up) Seven-Fifty.
STORE OWNER: Six hundred (starts to walk towards us)
SALESLADY: 600 daw po e.
STORE OWNER: (In his Chinese accent) Magkano ba gusto niya?
SALESLADY: 400 daw.
STORE OWNER: Oh. Sige, bigay mo na. 400.
ME: (Smiles big) Yey. Thank you po!
STORE OWNER: (Points at Rob) Shuta?
ME: Huh?
STORE OWNER: Shuta?
ME: Ano po?
SALESLADY: Syota niyo daw po?
ME: A.. Haha.. Hindi po.
STORE OWNER: Ako, puwede.
ME: (Laughs... but thinks, "over my dead body")

It was my first time to go to Tutuban. It was super crowded there today, I just couldn't wait to leave the place. But I'll surely go back some other time when people are already done with their Christmas shopping. Who in her right mind would go there at this time of the year anyway? Well, does that mean I wasn't in my right mind? (It looks like it!)

In the evening, we just ended up at SM Sucat where shopping was a lot easier. You don't get that Tutuban kind of discount there though...

Bibingka

2009-12-18T13:07:00.002+08:00

Finally, I saw bibingka sold outside the church after the Simbang Gabi. I bought two; ate one in the tricycle, gave the other to the trike driver. When I got home, I realized I just lost my coin purse with around P800 inside. I searched everywhere, asked for the intercession of St. Anthony and of some of my friends... 'til I remembered where I placed it-- inside the bibingka's plastic bag.

This happened yesterday. My coin purse still isn't back. But then again, he must need the money more than I do. Besides, I'm getting my salary today or tomorrow. Hehe. I'm coming home tomorrow evening. So I'll probably arrive in Manila at around 3 or 4am. Then I gotta attend the Simbang Gabi straight from the bus terminal. Haha! Good luck with that.

Simbang Gabi Day One

2009-12-16T11:40:00.006+08:00

Went to first day of Simbang Gabi today. The Church was literally overflowing with people. Haha! Pangasinan Archbishop Socrates was there, as well as the city officials. Slept at 1am, got up at 3:30am... with an inflamed eyelid due to an insect bite. What insect? I don't know. Maybe a mosquito or a cockroach. It wouldn't have mattered much if I didn't have a class today-- but I did! But there was no time to panic. Anyways, it wasn't like it was the first time I've been bitten by an insect on my face. It happens almost all the time, actually. But why on my face, guys? Why? Good thing warm compress does the trick, and it did once again this morning. I just added some concealer, golden eyeshadow and black eyeliner. The morning's been saved :-)

I wonder why they didn't have puto bumbong back there. So, Rhea, Mavie, and I just bought some pandesal. It was good. The dawn breeze was perfect. The tricycle we rode in was perfect; it was the open type so we were almost freezing. Haha! The homily was also perfect. Now I know the significance of having the Mass at dawn and why it's a nine-day novena. It's celebrated before the sun rises because in the Bible, a lot of important events happened in the evening, like Israel leaving Egypt on the first Passover, the birth of Jesus, His death (it became dark after He said "It's finished."), etc. It is 9 days because the Holy Spirit descended upon the people in the Upper Room 9 days after Jesus ascended into heaven. So we shouldn't be wishing for anything else after completing the novena but for our hearts to be open to the Holy Spirit. It's the greatest gift. Nice, isn't it?

But I still I miss the Simbang Gabi at Bamboo Organ; it's very festive there. And if I were jobless up to now, I would have been able to join the Cantors League every morning. But of course, I won't be able to sing with them anymore even if I've gotten back by the 20th; I haven't attended any of their practices. But then again, if I were still jobless, I wouldn't have money to spend this Christmas. Haha! So I guess I will just have to look at the bright side.

Who Wants to Be a Saint?

2009-12-15T19:12:00.008+08:00

"These are the saints of today. They pray to the Blessed Virgin as they get into the subway train, work in the fields, type out a memo, relax with the kids on Sunday, and arrive early at office the next day: on the dot, round-the-clock, year in and year out. They want that everything they do-- Communion, work, service-- be done with a little more love, a little more affection, and much better than yesterday."

-Jesus Urteaga, The Defects of the Saints

I'm not sure whether it was St. Therese of the Child Jesus or Mother Teresa who said that what matters are small things done with great love; not really great deeds. (And obviously I'm too lazy to Google it.) Anyways, I think so, too. Because if only great deeds matter, then I'd be at the losing end of the game. At my age, I still haven't done anything that has brought about drastic change in the world, in my country, or even in my own city. Haha! But does that bother me? Well, it used to, but not anymore. I realized that many saints passed through this world without seeing the great effects of their deeds-- without harvesting the fruits of their labor with their hands. But still, to date, their words reverberate in books, homilies, speeches, and forwarded text messages; their lives continue to inspire people; their prayers continue to help save souls, convert sinners, and help board-takers pass the licensure exams (Hehe); their deeds continue to bear good fruit. Indeed, they have planted good seeds on healthy ground, and nourished them with the best fertilizer available: LOVE.

Hope is not lost after all. I can still become a saint-- minus the halo, stigmata, and ecstasy. I've always known that anyone can be one. Most of us just have this wrong idea that it's impossible nowadays; that it's too grand a dream. More grand than becoming rich and powerful? Actually, yes. It's the ultimate dream that hardly anyone dares to dream of because we know that realizing it will take a lot of sacrifice, humility, simplicity, patience, and perseverance. It's easier to be proud than to be humble. It's easier to give in to our whims and live a comfortable life than to "live simply so that others may simply live." It's easier to throw a fit in dealing with difficult people and situations than to contain one's emotions and overlook faults. It's easier to be lukewarm in faith and mediocre in spirituality than to struggle against tempation and ditch bad habits. It's easier to dream of anything else than to be the best that God wants us to be-- to be holy.

In writing this post, I've just let myself fall before the eyes of critical people. Here's someone who says she wants to be a saint, yet splurges on hair and makeup. Haha. But really, I've come to learn how to let people enjoy their thoughts. There are matters that are just between God and me. He holds my list of "needs improvement" and we're working on it. Haha.

We all can become saints with God's grace. It is grand, but it is possible. We just have to ask for it. Will His Will.

"Ask and it will be given to you; search and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."
-Jesus

Just Blogging: Getting Lost, Manaoag, and Beggar-Magnet

2009-12-13T21:15:00.002+08:00

Night time is not the right time to experiment on alternative routes to Gloria Jean’s. I usually take a tricycle here in Dagupan, because I just have to say where my destination is and I get there in no time. However, since I’m now running out of cash, I figured I should learn to get around by PUJ. Ride a PUJ and then hang out at Gloria Jean’s—I’m not sure if that’s effective cost-cutting. Haha! I can’t wait to get my first real paycheck. Come Wednesday, I’m rich again. Hahaha!

Anyways, I had to pay extra for transportation earlier this evening, because I almost got lost. I’m not really scared of getting lost, you know. I mean, I’m used to it. Haha! But it’s different if you’re in a totally unfamiliar place. So I applied one of the principles of asepsis: when in doubt, consider it unsterile. In my case, it’s: when in doubt, consider yourself lost. So get off the jeep NOW! And I was right. I was lost. If cabs save my day in Manila, tricycles do the same for me here in Dagupan—with, of course—a bit more damage to my wallet because of those choosy, contracting drivers.

We went to Our Lady of Manaoag this morning. We plan to make it a weekly habit starting next year (January). It’s only a 40-minute ride from our place! It’s really cool, because I think I’ve been there only once and that was more than a decade ago already. I was only a little kid then, and I don’t remember myself appreciating the experience. I just remember us falling in line for an hour to touch the clothes of Our Lady for less than ten seconds. They say it’s miraculous. We did the same thing today after celebrating the Mass. But I couldn’t think of anything to ask her for. I just lit some candles for my family and some friends, and asked God for “my daily bread.” I think that’s enough. My Daily Bread—to carry out my daily tasks. It’s more than enough.

It’s official: I’m a beggar-magnet. I was with six of my friends/colleagues in Manaoag, but little kids who were bringing with them only one article to sell followed me until I gave in. There were seven of us! And I was even pointing them to my friends, saying, “Lapitan mo ‘yun. Marami ‘yung pera.” (Haha!) But they won’t leave me. There was even one kid who approached me and said, “Ate, ang ganda mo naman.” I replied, “Thank you. Ikaw rin.” And then she brought out a little prayer book from her pocket and said, “Bilhin mo na ‘to, Ate.” Hahaha! Now tell me, how could I refuse her?

But the other one followed me until outside the gate of the Church. It was super hot! And he didn’t even have an umbrella. I really didn’t want to buy the stuff he was selling me (because as I said in the first paragraph, I’m now living on my “emergency money”). And he was really begging. And he was a kid. Aryt, “Magkano ba ‘yan?” When we were already inside the van, I thought aloud, “Ba’t kaya ganun?” And one of my friends said, “Mukha ka kasing hindi tatanggi.” But really, it’s only little kids and the elderly I find hard to refuse. Whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing, I’m not really sure. How do I know when to give and when to hold back? How do I know who really is in need and who isn’t? I honestly don’t know. So please don’t judge me for not knowing how to judge. Hehe. (Suddenly I remember Sister Vianney when we were in Indonesia. Our company had to brush the vendors off because they wouldn’t leave her alone. Haha! I miss her.)

It has become noisy here at GJ’s. Looks like a whole clan has just come in and they’re laughing really heartily. I’m leaving in a little while. My solitude’s been broken.

May Bukas Pa o Now Na?

2009-12-08T19:14:00.009+08:00

["Emo" Introduction Deleted]

Now I know "why not now," St. Augustine. There are things that should be done right away-- things that will advance the Kingdom of God. But there are also things that should be delayed and be subjected to scrutiny-- also for His sake.

The challenge is to know which is which.

Gloria Jean's, Dagupan

2009-12-06T21:07:00.000+08:00

It seems like I'm living in a small town in Dagupan. I'm in Gloria Jean's right now-- the closest thing to Starbucks around here (they even have their own planner promo)-- and the barista happens to be a nursing student at UoPang. She's in third year, and I'll definitely get to handle their class one of these days. Haha. But before I found out about that, the other barista asked me of my age. And I said my real age, which, I found out a bit later, was a big mistake. But anyways, my students will find out about my age sooner or later, so it's futile to try to hide it. Besides, what matters is that they learn from me. Just because I'm young doesn't mean they're going to be shortchanged. I've been working hard this week. I'm studying twice as I did when I was still a student. Sometimes, I'd even think, "I wish I had studied this way back then. I could have graduated Summa Cum Laude." Hahaha!

Lines of Hard Work

2009-12-06T02:13:00.002+08:00

I just finished washing my clothes-- the corporate ones-- because I've been told by my housemates some laundry shop horror stories... like white pants turning into tie-dye and lost pieces of clothing. Well, I won't risk my new pants and blouses that I've only worn once or twice. So despite the fact that work ended at 9PM today, I just rested for a while, got up after midnight and did the laundry. Almost everyone's planning to wash their clothes tomorrow and we only have 2 basins, so good luck with that. Haha. I'm planning to spend my Sunday at Gloria Jean's. It's been a tiring week, so I need major unwinding. The mall is not an option. It would be just like hanging out at a grocery store (Read: RFC, Starmall). And that is not a good idea, especially for someone who doesn't know the definition of "budget."

This week, today's been the most draining. But then, when the students said thank you (again and again) before going home, I just felt so much better. Some of them already added me on Facebook, but I'm still thinking whether I'm going to approve their friend requests or not. I mean, they'll get to read my blog, so I'll have to be more... selective? on what thoughts I'm going to express. I have plenty of thoughts about them, actually-- which made the clothes-washing a breeze. Everyone was already in bed when I was outside, getting bitten by mosquitoes. Haha. It was so quiet, so perfect for reflection. Haha. Reflecting while doing the laundry? Why not? Contemplative nuns do it. Now I see the essence. When you reflect while doing a tedious chore, you hardly notice that you're getting tired. Earlier, I was surprised that I've washed two blazers, two blouses and four pairs of pants, plus some hankies. (I'm not sure if it's an accomplishment for you but it certainly is for me.) Maybe a few months from now I'll get those fine lines on my fingers that mean they know hard work. Before we left for Pangasinan, two of my co-trainers just looked at my hands and were already able to conclude that I didn't do "anything" at home. I was about to defend myself, but when they compared their hands with mine, all I was able to say was, "Ganun ba 'yun?"

"Oo, Ms. Anna, ganun 'yun," one of them replied. And then they started asking if I knew how to cook, wash the dishes, do the laundry, iron clothes, etc.

Actually, I know how to do these things. As my mom said, it usually just takes common sense.

Yesterday, Ms. Nor tugged at the sleeve of my white blazer and pointed at the two folds. There was supposed to be just one, she said. I think she called it "piston." Isang piston lang dapat.

Well, that was just a minor ironing mistake. It doesn't have much to do with my common sense... Or, does it? Haha :-P

----------------------------------------------------

Sometimes I feel like crying. But instead I find myself smiling and laughing-- a lot.

Thank you, God. With You, all the sides are bright :-)

Day Two in Pangasinan: Better Than Yesterday

2009-12-01T00:14:00.002+08:00

Woke up a bit late, but still in the morning, just a few hours before lunch. Thought it was going to be a chill-out, semi-boring day. But I did enjoy walking around the university and outside of it before the sun set. Walking under the Pangasinan sun is no fun at all; so I guess I'll stay indoors in the afternoon as much as possible.

Earlier today, during our meeting, I felt a bit dreadful again about the "missing things" in our house, as well as about the blurred vision of how this week will turn out. I'm usually the "look-at-the-bright-side" kind of person, but today, when we were talking about the division of household chores, I just felt sad. But then again, for the salvation of the Poor Souls in Purgatory, so be it. Hehe.

Just when the night was winding down, I got a call from Rob, asking if our house was just near this certain "Bangus" fast food chain. And I said yes. And then asked if the slogan of U-Pang was so and so, and I said yes again. He mentioned other landmarks before it finally sank in. He was in Pangasinan-- just a few meters away from the house we were staying in. He just dropped in to say hi and to give me a cake (which my housemates enjoyed). Haha. And then left to go back to Manila, which, by the way, was only six hours away from here.

Day One in Pangasinan: General Cleaning - Part 1

2009-11-30T00:09:00.002+08:00

It's been another tiring day. Although I only half-believed my expectation that we'd be doing a lot of chores here, I didn't think that it would be this soon. When we got to our house-- which we call "Bahay ni Kuya" because our set-up is pretty much like it minus the hidden cams and script (hehe)-- we found it bare and quite dirty with traces of Ondoy's visit. We rearranged the very few furnishings and exchanged beds. I'm just lucky we got the double-deck and not the one that has a mattress that you can pull-out from underneath. I was the one with the most and largest baggage. Haha! So I neeeded a place to put my big bags on, and under the tall double-deck was that place. Unpacking was even more tiring than mopping the floor.

From the time we arrived here, I had been bothered by only one question and that was, "Where's the nearest Church?" I was so worried that I'd miss the Mass because today is Sunday and even the first Sunday of Advent-- the New Year for us, Catholics. Good thing we found one, and it was only a 10-minute tricycle ride from our place. So I guess attending the Daily Mass is feasible-- unless classes finish late.

I'm looking forward to learning their dialect here. When we sang the Lord's Prayer during the Mass, I was trying to decipher whether they were singing its English or Tagalog version. When I sang, "Our Father...in heaven..." I thought, "No, it sounds different, so it must be: Ama namin, sumasalangit Ka..." but then it still didn't sound like it. So I opened my eyes and looked up at the lyrics and found words I couldn't understand. But I sang with them anyway, while reading the words on the screen, pretending to be a local. Haha.

Tricycle drivers here charge you higher if they notice that you're not from here. (Actually, I think it's the same as anywhere else in our country) The "mall" was only around 5-minutes away from our house but the driver charged us 10 pesos each. Since we didn't know how much they really paid for it here, we just paid the amount. But later, when one of my colleagues asked a traffic enforcer, he said we should pay only 7 pesos each. Then he hailed a tricycle for them and said to the driver, "O, 'wag mong dagdagan ang singil d'yan a."

The only problem I can think of that I'd be facing in the days to come is the weather. It's soooooo hot here that even with the aircon on, I was perspiring. And I even brought a lot of long-sleeved polo shirts! Waaaahh..! Power dressing, which now seems suicide dressing to me, starts on Tuesday. And I'm not really looking forward to that.

Indirectly Saying "I'll Miss You"

2009-11-28T23:05:00.005+08:00

My mom has been packing my bags since two weeks ago when I was originally supposed to leave for Pangasinan. All I had to do earlier this evening was to check my stuff against my checklist. Haha! Just kidding. I also did some packing myself. I'm carrying four enormous bags tomorrow. Mom said it was as though I was never gonna come back. Haha! "Parang maglilipat-bahay," she said.

It was only today that the gravity of the situation has sunk in. I realized that starting tomorrow, I will have to take care of myself "by myself." There will be a lot of household chores in Pangasinan, I can just sense it. Haha! I sound so distressed about the matter. But based on experience, I've come to know that I'm adaptive. I can learn things that have to be learned. I can do things that I don't normally do but if the situation calls for it, then I do it. Anyways, this is not the first time that I'd be separated from my parents, although this is going to be the longest time.

Suddenly I feel sad... and lethargic. Of course, my dad can't just drive to Pangasinan anytime he wants (or I want. haha). And my mom won't be able to send BBQ chicken anytime, too. Though I've stayed in our school's dormitory for a year, home didn't seem so far because Dadi was almost always there, bringing pizza, peach danish, seafood noodles, mangosteen etc, getting the laundry, returning washed and pressed clothes (by my mom), and so on. I used to see them at least once a week, but now I'd be seeing them perhaps only once a month.

I know it's going to suck to be away from home. Nobody has ever taken care of me the way my parents have ='(

Neglected Gift

2009-11-26T20:27:00.005+08:00

I thought I wasn't tired, but today I just FELT super... TIRED. My productive cough is now turning into a dry one, and it sounds worse. I'm now on Fern-C, Ascof, and Difflam. Yea, viruses are self-limiting, but since it's green, it must be bacterial, not viral. (It's yellow if it's viral.) *Nursing Mode* I think the daily dose of caffeine didn't help. Although it's some sort of bronchodilator (facilitates opening of the airway), the sugar in it must have contributed to the multiplication of bacteria in my respiratory system. We all know that these guys live on glucose. So instead of coffee, I've been drinking mint tea since yesterday. Anyways, I still get a sticker for it. Haha. I already got one planner; I'm just filling in the new card for Rhea. It's really a bummer that there's no Starbucks in Pangasinan. But I think I've ranted about that one already, so enough with it. Gloria Jean's is also good anyway.

I was supposed to go to school (St. Paul) today and distribute copies of The Anawim Way and visit my "Friend-Brother," but even before our teaching demo, I already felt like catching the flu. I was coughing nonstop to the point of getting a headache due to the increased intracranial pressure. For a moment I even thought that my forehead felt hot, but there was no Paracetamol available. But thank God, I got through the teaching demo. When I was talking in front, it seemed as though I was well, but afterward, the barking continued. Haha. Prayers... And oh, thanks to Rob for fetching me at a moment's notice. And I apologize in advance if ever you catch my illness. Haha.

Now I'll just finish this lozenge of Difflam due at 9pm. And then I'll go to sleep. Mom said my immune system must have been affected by my lack of sleep. So I'll not study tonight. Though I am not tired, my body already IS. I've been neglecting the gift God created on the seventh day. Sorry, God...

Cheesy God

2009-11-24T00:06:00.006+08:00

Lately God and I have been writing letters to each other. We do it over coffee in the morning :-)

They say we become like the God we know. If I know Him as the judgmental and punishing God, then I am most likely to become self-righteous and unmerciful. If I know Him as the loving and forgiving God, then I am most likely to become loving and forgiving, too.

Well, aside from the general idea about God as a merciful Father, I know Him as the God who laughs a lot... I find him very witty and easy to talk to-- a lot easier to talk to than most people I know. Haha! And after a few letters to each other, I just realized that my God is also a cheesy God. Hahaha!

Here's a part of His letter to me this morning:

...Anyways, whatever happens, what really matters are heavenly things. Don't be scared of failures. They're part of life. They make life colorful. Hehe. Just focus on your purpose, all right? And that's to spread my Kingdom. And when it comes to that, how can you fail? The victory has already been won! So stay positive, Nina. Walk with one foot on earth, and the other in Heaven. I'm with you

Always,
God

P.S. I love you.

Hahaha. It doesn't get any cheesier than that!

Hai God...

Does Your Red Lipstick Contain Lead?

2009-11-22T23:16:00.006+08:00

Revlon Matte Lipstick In the Red

Has this ever happened to you? One day you thought you had a lot of money. After a day or two, you check your wallet and find that almost all of it is already gone. And then you try to think where the heck it went. You think hard. You don't remember. You think more. You ask people around if they borrowed money from you without you knowing and they give you a weird look. And then you remember... "Ooh, yeah, I just bought that new lipstick by Revlon." It's not that expensive, but it's already worth a day's allowance.

I've been looking for The Face Shop's "Red Addiction" lipstick for the past week, but I've been to three of their branches already, and they were always out of stock. Although I bought Revlon on impulse, I was happy to find out through Google that it wasn't one of the controversial lipsticks recalled for containing lead. Pricier brands like L'Oreal Colour Riche "True Red," L'Oreal Colour Riche "Classic Wine," Cover Girl Incredifull Lipcolor "Maximum Red" and Dior Addict "Positive Red," (I used to have this one!) were reported to have high lead concentrations. The bad thing about lead is that it can cause cancer, and many other health problems, like learning disabilities, increased aggression, language problems, behavioral issues and even infertility and miscarriage.

I think prolonged use of lead-containing lipstick also causes your lips to turn black. Good thing I don't have to worry about that with my new find :)

Just Blogging: Headache, Oversleeping, and Cosmetology

2009-11-22T22:27:00.001+08:00

I haven't been feeling well this weekend. Although Biogesic and oversleeping solved my headache last night, I had another one today after Aikido. I fell on my head when I was supposed to do a front roll, and then acted like it didn't hurt. That would have been embarrassing. Hehe. So when I got home, I just went to sleep again, got up in the evening to attend Mass, and in a few hours, will be going back to sleep again. Haha. In the next two days, I'll be cramming for our exams on Wednesday. Oh well, no more late nights out at least for the next two days lest my "grades" will suffer. Haha! I just realized teachers study more than students do. Well, we are supposed to! Gotta have that "surplus knowledge" on the topic I'm teaching just in case students ask unexpected questions. Good thing I love to study :-P

I actually have another course to study aside from nursing, and that is "cosmetology." I thought my "cosmetic knowledge" was already too little for a lady of my age. But when my co-trainers saw me putting on makeup, they watched every brush stroke with amazement. Haha! I was surprised by their reaction. I found out that they didn't know how to use a concealer. One of them didn't even know that there was a liquid concealer. They also didn't know the right base for Asian complexion (yellow-based makeup), and they haven't even heard of hypoallergenic, perfect coverage bare minerals. So they were asking me to "teach" them about this stuff. Well, I admit my limited knowledge on this, but it looks like my new friends have even more limited know-how than mine. So I have to learn more; they are "depending" on me! Hahaha.

Boys 101: An Introduction by Mom

2009-11-19T18:20:00.013+08:00

They say moms know best, so I did my best to listen closely as my mom and I talked just a while ago when I got home. The topic? BOYS.

It's not everyday that we talk about them. Haha. In fact, when I was still studying, we hardly talked about them, except for the part where I have to "stay away" from them until I graduate. Haha. But now, mom spoke as if with expertise on the subject. Actually, she did seem to be an expert in scrutinizing these rather odd creatures and their motives.

I shared about him-- err-- them. And for every person, my mom gave her opinion. I imagined her raising a scoreboard after every "evaluation." Haha. As I listened, I couldn't help but just agree with almost everything she was saying. "Hmmm... You have a point there... and there, too... and also there... good point. Point again... and again." Haha. That was all I thought. There were even moments when I'd think, "Why didn't I think of that??!"

I'm a diligent student, so I took down notes. Haha! :-P

Boys 101: The Basics
You cannot change a person. Whatever he is right now is most likely what he's gonna be tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, next decade, next century... So...
Choose a "good person," however...
You'll never really know that until you've married him. (Hahaha)
Who is he trying to please? Is it really God? ...or just you?
Is he thinking of your convenience or his convenience?

This may sound naive for a 21-year-old-- but maybe not for a 21-year-old who studied in an exclusive girls' school almost her entire life.

Pambili ng Biskwit

2009-11-18T17:23:00.008+08:00

When I got home just a few minutes ago, a young girl who happened to be walking outside our gate called, "Ate, pahingi pambili ng biskwit."

That wasn't something new. I mean, as I said in one of my blogs before, I feel like I have some sort of "beggar-magnet" in me. They just appear out of nowhere in places I least expect them. I can say that these people did go to the right person. Haha. But that young girl today didn't. I wasn't the right person to ask, because until now I'm thinking, why did I reply that way?

In a quite exasperated tone, I said, "Wait lang ha. Ni hindi pa 'ko nakakapasok ng bahay."

I wasn't in a bad mood. We were dismissed early and I saw the sunset, so I was even supposed to be in a really nice mood. But strange enough, I gave that girl a cold shoulder. It's odd because I'm ambivalent about it. In cases like this, guilt would have been eating me already. But no. Right now, I'm just thinking: What are these kids' parents teaching them? That they can just walk up to anyone and ask for money? That they can live the rest of their lives that way? And she did it so casually-- like money grew on the trees in our backyard and our dog laid golden eggs.

What she said has been playing back in my mind, "Pahingi pambili ng biskwit." Well, she could have just asked for food if food was what she really wanted. Though upset, I was still gonna get some cookies but when I looked out the window, she was already gone.

"Pahingi pambili ng biskwit."

I just stared at those words for a moment. And now I admit, I'm starting to feel guilty.

Morning Person

2009-11-17T18:44:00.001+08:00

I used to be a graveyard person, but now early morning is my favorite part of the day :) I'm looking forward to tomorrow. Haha. Cool breeze, quiet streets, hot coffee, soft Christmas songs, God's Daily Word, The Screwtape Letters, and a good laugh with my co-trainers. Well, there's "school work" too, but that one's also fun :)

Waking up at 4 AM has never been this easy :)

Perfect Saturday

2009-11-16T23:51:00.012+08:00

Rob: Tingin ka sa labas ng bahay niyo.

Me: OK. Wala 'kong nakita.

Rob: Hindi mo nakita 'yung babaeng dumaan?

Me: OMG!!!

And that perfected my "very early" morning :)

Ms. Anna: ...And that ends our lecture on defibrillation. The next topic is tracheostomy care. Please wait for your next lecturer.

Students: Awww... (Yes, they really said this :-P)

And that perfected my morning :)

1. What was the best part of the training?

"Defibrillation rocks! Miss Anna rocks!"

Hahaha! Sorry, I couldn't help laughing when I read this. The best evaluation yet. Though I didn't get what exactly that student meant by "rocks." Haha!

And that perfected my afternoon :)

Kris: Promise?
Me: Promise.

RJ: (singing Birthday *** with the funny face)
Me: (laughs)

Santa Claus: Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas! (Just kidding. That Santa Claus was actually mute, I reckon.)

And that perfected my evening :)

The Fifth Taxi

2009-11-16T22:42:00.004+08:00

Meeting up with Sister Dulce, a Carmelite nun, wasn't really in my plans today... until I saw Mark's name in my outbox, and realized that it was the 16th of November, the day I was supposed to meet Sr. Dulce. (Mark was the one who "connected" us. Hehe) I was no longer thinking of it because I thought I would have already been in Pangasinan by this time. So quite on impulse and on a very short notice, I sent a text message to Sr. Dulce asking if I could still talk to her later this day. Her only available time was this afternoon and tomorrow morning. Tomorrow morning is simply next to impossible because of my training, so I just prayed for early dismissal. And early dismissal God granted. Haha!

The Carmelite Monastery was somewhere in QC-- a place I'm not very familiar with, called "Gilmore Avenue," so I had to hail a cab. But before I got one, four taxi drivers refused me. I was already growing impatient and was thinking, "Okay, apat na 'yun ha. Isa nalang, hindi na 'ko tutuloy." I'm not a believer of fate nor of coincidences, so I just took it as it was when the fifth cab agreed to take me to my destination if only I would add 30 pesos to the fare. If Manong only knew, he didn't have to ask because I always give tips when I ride taxis.

I don't know how to describe Sr. Dulce. Well, she was a lot like Sr. Fatima (the SPC sister closest to me). She was smiling almost the entire time but she didn't seem to be tired of it. Haha. It was like a permanent expression on her face and her cheeks were pink and her eyes seemed to glisten at times, especially when she laughed. In other words, she was glowing. But I didn't tell her that; we had a lot to talk about, which I wasn't really sure what they were about that time. I just knew we had to talk :)

And now I know why. She told me about the contemplative life. It's a lot different from the way of life of the active sisters of which I know more about. I've always been "searching-in" at the St. Paul Sisters' place, so the Carmelite spirituality was something new to me. And based on what Sr. Dulce said, I found it simple but profound. Their way of life was very simple, not too strict, and happy. Well, I could see that she was really happy.

When she talked about prayer and sacrifice inside the monastery, I didn't have to ask her about prayer; it's already a given that you pray a lot in there. Hehe. But I asked her how exactly they offered sacrifices? And then she talked about giving up winning an argument with a fellow sister, doing things you didn't normally do before you entered the convent, like household chores. She said they did a lot of chores in there, like cleaning the house, doing the laundry, preparing food, washing the dishes, and so on and so forth. Then I realized that there can really be a lot of sacrifices in there. Haha. My gosh. I told her I don't do household chores. She said, "Me, too, before I entered, I didn't do any of these," and laughed.

Haha. For the love of Jesus, you can really do a lot of things, even those you never thought you would do.

I'm looking forward to my Christmas vacation this December. I can't wait to go visit their monastery in Infanta, Quezon. Mark said it's beautiful :)

Just Blogging

2009-11-14T01:48:00.007+08:00

I have 2 more hours left to sleep and then I'll be going to the office, a bit earlier than usual, because we'll be teaching for the first time-- I mean, REAL students. Lecture will be followed by return demonstration, which we've estimated to finish at 6 or 7 PM. Gotta prepare my materials first. Haha. Pasaway. I know. I stayed out a bit late this evening. It was (and is already) Sid's birthday, and it's been so long since I've last seen some of my friends, like the birthday celebrator himself, Kris, and RJ. Bok was also there, but Nikki and Slave weren't. (Writing about people is one way to say you miss them. Don't expect me to be always direct, guys. Ahem, Slave. Haha!)

Anyways, I'm really just droppin' by COPD (Confessions of a Prodigal Daughter, not Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease-- yeah, my blog's acronym sounds sick, literally, so it's only now that I used it.

Oh my gosh, what's wrong with my keyboard? The cursor jumps from one place to another. Or maybe I'm just sleepy, but I feel like typing. Or I must be anxious for tomorrow. First time I'd be handling a real class. I can't afford to be stressed early tomorrow morning, so I plan to...

Wake up really early (but that's unlikely considering my state right now), so instead...
Wake up a bit early (with the help of the Souls in Purgatory and if Kris remembers, a missed call from her. Haha)
Ride a cab (to avoid ungentlemanly men in the bus.. argh!)
Buy a Grande-sized White Chocolate Mocha
Internalize that I'm a teacher, I'm a teacher, I'm a teacher, so behave like one
Conceal my eyebags... or if unsuccessful at it, just ignore them and wear blush
Have faith in God's mercy.

Our choices have consequences. Consequences are not punishments from God; they are simply a logical result of our actions. But if it seems too late when we realize we've done something wrong and consequences are sure to come, well... I'm sleepy now. I just know that I need God's mercy, especially tomorrow.

Knowing Screwtape

2009-11-12T18:56:00.008+08:00

I've started reading C.S. Lewis' The Screwtape Letters this morning, and I cannot help but think it's God's grace yet again. The more I know about the Devil, the more I appreciate God. And the more I know about the Devil's tactics to keep me away from Him, the more I become aware of his existence. He tries to hide, but Lewis is exposing him to me right now. Haha! You, Evil, you.